Monthly Archives: November 2011

Letter to a Battered Heart

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Open letter to a friend whose heart is battered…. I remember that you were there for me when I was going through a lot and had no one. So I will do my best to be here for you, now. In this life, you have to separate your mental and emotional things, your habits, your beliefs–like laundry. Whites over there, colors over there, delicates there. You can’t throw them all in together or the colors will bleed and what was once pure and white is now sullied. Some things must be kept apart, some things put together, and you always … Continue reading →

FWPB

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Sometimes we forget the gray areas. The innocuous middle ground that is so often overlooked because it doesn’t scream at us like the extremes do. It’s why certain things are overlooked; like the independent voters, the agnostics, reputable, stable, feminine lesbians, and the middle class. It had occurred to me that sexuality holds its own equidistant region. We have often heard of that relational designation of fuck-buddy (FB), and the other one of Friends with Benefits (FWB), but I contend there is another. The one in the gray area, which has remained undefined, and perhaps under-utilized… FWPB. Friends With Partial … Continue reading →

Already (poem)

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

I already love her mind. I already love her words. I already love the parts of herself she reveals to me in herds of raw, broken, struggling, yet completely filled vessels of hope and understanding. I’m not demanding totally sodden with angst, yet pure, unfettered, passionate, real. A bargain on hearts, today, mine’s a steal. I don’t know where this thing will go knowing, yet knowing, I cannot know wishing and hoping, that floating hope I’m holding the wrong end of the rope relating the angst of the things we do feeling connection, connection anew reaching for content, my spirit … Continue reading →

If a Woodchuck Could Chuck YOU.

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Was meeting a friend at a local pub I like a lot, even though it’s often noisy as hell, and I picked out a booth to wait for my friend to arrive. The waitress gave me a glare when I sat down at the table that still had the paid ticket and the dirty dishes. I had never had a rude waitress there, so gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she wasn’t looking at me. Then it took her a full five minutes to get over there and clean the table off, and I wondered. When I tried … Continue reading →

Throwing Bullets

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

My best friend, Justi, and I were talking about knives and axes, as weapons.  (I know, but we often have strange conversations with little memory of exactly how the subject came up). Anyway, she liked the idea of using them as weapons –of throwing an axe at someone who was attacking her. And as usual added, “Don’t you?” I said no, I don’t want to get that close to someone who is trying to kill me. She said, “You don’t have to get close, it’s an axe. You can just throw it at them.” I deftly spotting the flaw in … Continue reading →

Positive Anchoring, Honesty & Humor

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Sometimes we have to come up with clever solutions to problems. Three of my most cherished and successful coping skills have been Positive Anchoring, honesty and humor. One of the situations that is particularly challenging is being nervous in social situations. For an HSP, it’s doubly hard and it happens far more often. We often find ourselves overwhelmed by that date we have with someone we’re attracted to. We can spoil an entire evening with the handwringing and insecure self-talk going on in our heads. We can spill our drinks, say something insipid or insulting, or just panic, make up … Continue reading →

No More Hall-Decking for You Guys

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

“Twelve Jews were brutally murdered, huge numbers maimed, and many Jewish women were raped. Two million rubles worth  of property was destroyed.” ~ Lawrence Kelleman I sn’t Christmas a wonderful time of year? Consider this:      Thus says the LORD, Do not learn the way of the nations, And do not be terrified by the signs of the Heavens, although the nations are terrified by them; For the customs of the peoples are delusion; Because it is wood cut from the forest, The work of the hands of a craftsman with a cutting tool. They decorate it with silver and with gold; They fasten it … Continue reading →

Agnosco veteris vestigia flammae–I feel once more the scars of the old flame…

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Most things for me, now, are in the context of being an HSP. My Sensory Processing Sensitivity is a brain architecture that will never change. It is part of me as much as DNA or eye color or ethnic origins. I know that one of my main weaknesses in this life, is that I don’t do well as a single person, and by extension, I don’t do well sexless. Those needs get in the way of my common sense in evaluating the character of some women. So I have been so bold as to place ads on adult sites, seeking … Continue reading →

Too Much World: A Look at Highly Sensitive People

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

In an article in Psychology Today,* I again found comfort in the knowledge that there are others like me out there, and my particular brand of weirdness is not “damage” but an inherent brain architecture I am born with. Just like others are born with blue eyes or musical ability.I speak of those in our species who live with Sensory Processing Sensitivity, which is the scientific term for this trait. More colloquially, it is known as HSP- Highly Sensitive Person, a collection of traits that was identified in pioneering research by Elaine Aron, PhD. Regarding the nature of HSP’s, Aron … Continue reading →

Hanging the Moon and Lesbian Monikers

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

I placed another personal ad on Craigslist. Hopefully this won’t turn into a freak-fest like it did last time. And if it does, well, more material for my writing. LOL. The Ad I used before was way more humorous, but I was afraid it might be overwhelming and make ME look a little crazy. Who knows? Here’s the one I used before: Only seek LOCAL friends & dates. Please & thank you. LDR’s are usually doomed from the start. It’s like being pecked to death by chickens. So not big on them unless you can afford to travel to date … Continue reading →