One of my Achilles heels is that I have an underlying suspicion that i am incapable of falling in love again. I mean, researchers have told us that the chemical condition of being in love is analogous to OCD–being in love means you’re obsessed and obsession is fraught with problems, and not very healthy. You make bad decisions based on those chemicals, and not on what is actually true… So I’ve been, in recent years, going for the other facets of a good long term relationship–security, dependability, good communication, a shared sense of humor, begin treated well, being friends, cultivating a deeper, more abiding, mature love, having good sex….
Sure, I might find someone who i think rings my bells, but then again, what if it’s not my bells? What if I’m just standing next to someone else’s bells, and I’m just confused? And someone can look good on paper but not ultimately be good for me. They can ring my paper bells. But the bells are still made of paper. And they won’t hold up to a storm, and can tear quite easily from any impact or stress.
I just hope i meet someone with the bells to be my partner.