Category Archives: atheist humor

Oh Victory in Earworms (A Melodious Malady)

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Kelli Jae Baeli #IronyoftheDay I’m an atheist, & yet I woke up with a HYMN stuck in my head. I’d pray to God to make it stop, but then, well. You know. Pasted from <https://www.facebook.com/jaebaeli> Yeah, that was my status update this morning. It’s bad enough, when you just get a regular song stuck in your head, but for an ATHEIST to get a HYMN lodged up in that looping track? Not just the insipid sycophantic melody those tunes always have, but the actual content of the lyrics, the sentiments inherent in hymnal/gospel music, et al; it’s sandpaper against every … Continue reading →

Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion. *There’s A REASON Why Atheists Don’t Fly Planes Into Buildings “Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day.”­ God. *God Doesn’t Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People. If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up? He’s Dead.It’s Been 2,000 years.He’s Not Coming Back.Get OVER It Already! *All religion is simply evolved out … Continue reading →

Eternal Earthbound Pets

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved.  But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind?   Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind. http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Home_Page.html 

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Top 10 Signs You’re a Christian

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.9- You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt 8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god 7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt … Continue reading →

Devout Follower seeks Advice from Dr. Laura….

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Dear Dr. Laura,   Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.   I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know … Continue reading →

New Videos of Supernatural Hypocrisy

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

I have posted a widget to show my videos of my 6-volume book, Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology on my blog for that project–the other blog is at the link. I hope it will be a more accessible way for those busy-bees among us to enjoy the content. As for the book itself, it has become such a Magnum Opus. I am considering breaking it into several volumes. But even if I do that, it is still taking more time than i like to complete. The reference section alone is up to 20 pages. So I … Continue reading →

Satan believes in God, therefore God exists

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

From Mothrust.com, the following delightful exchange. Apparently I do believe in God, I just won’t admit to it. One cocky seventeen year old fellow, Micah Sonatra, (Deven Hoffpauir, with his truly kitschy myspace) who I thought was a middle-aged lady, said that it was obvious God existed because even Lucifer believes in God – that was the crux of his argument. What the..! Stating that one imaginary character exists because another imaginary character believes it exists is like saying, “Of course Santa Clause is real, heck… even the tooth fairy knows that”. ——- — – Sonatra: You see, you have … Continue reading →

’nuff said.

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

From Austin Cline’s atheism and agnosticism site: (13) len says: athiests dont have the intelegnce to understand god or inteligent design. August 30, 2009 at 11:03 am (14) Austin Cline says: athiests dont have the intelegnce to understand god or inteligent design. Funny, but if a god exists then it would be able to make itself known to everyone regardless of “intelegnce.” It would probably also try to ensure that its adherents could spell.

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Going to Denver Because You’re Dead (2)

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

In this second installment, I am on my way, the tone of the journey being set right away in Joplin, a mere 60 minutes from my starting place… Fri August 1 at 9:08am~ Jae:: in Joplin at loves truckstop. Having food and getting ice for my neck. It’s swelling. It’s tedious already driving 45mph I feel like I’m going to CO on horseback. Veep: but not bareback…..right? Jae: Yes, bareback, where all the trouble is to be found. First, i get back on the exit and take the wrong turn, winding up on an access road next to the interstate, … Continue reading →

Pastor was Moved in Mysterious Ways

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Dead Reverend’s Rubber Fetish Autopsy: Pastor found in wet suits after autoerotic mishap OCTOBER 8–An Alabama minister who died in June of “accidental mechanical asphyxia” was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report. Investigators determined that Rev. Gary Aldridge’s death was not caused by foul play and that the 51-year-old pastor of Montgomery’s Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone in his home at the time he died (while apparently in the midst of some autoerotic undertaking). While the Montgomery Advertiser, … Continue reading →

The God Banana

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

On YouTube, recently, a video was posted of a Christian program called “The Way of the Master” wherein the hosts, Ray Comfort and actor, Kirk Cameron gave their argument for creationism based on the “design” of a banana. Included in their argument were points they said showed that the banana was a product of Intelligent Design, i.e., God. They said the banana is shaped to fit the human hand; that it’s color-coded so we know when it’s not ripe, when it’s overly ripe, and when it’s just ripe enough; that it has a handy pull tab, and perforations to allow … Continue reading →