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Kelli Jae Baeli

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Home→Categories CHALLENGES & MISHAPS→Aging

Category Archives: Aging

Stupid, Honorable, High-Road Seeking Fool

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 22, 2012 by Kelli Jae BaeliJuly 31, 2013

In a post from a few years ago (two posts, actually, under Going to Denver Because You’re Dead) I chronicled this transition of moving to Colorado to start a new life; again reinventing myself, with the hope of somehow finding my new place in this ever-changing, ever-challenging world.  I got rid of three-quarters of everything i owned, packed a U-Haul trailer behind my Cherryot, and off I went. A journey that lasted 30 hours on many days of little sleep. By the time I arrived in Denver, i was exhausted, lost, and had this sensation of being on another planet. … Continue reading →

Posted in desperation, Writer's Block, depression, moving, guilt, apartment, change, Social Psychology, aggravation, Colorado, women, despair, disillusionment, trust, stress, need, meaning, Lakewood, anger, life, fear, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, betrayal, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, RELATIONSHIPS, grief, phobias, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), sadness, EMOTIONS, conflict, luck, love, sensitivity, hope, PTSD, Relocation, friendship, panic, disability, problem-solving, U-Haul, angst, purpose, exes, midlife crisis, chaos, WRITING, frustration, harsh realities, Human Nature, domestic violence, loneliness, Xanax, Aging, crisis, Driving, anxiety | Tagged partners, loss, anxiety attack | 2 Replies

Mid-Life Crisis, Much?

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on October 9, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~Dylan Thomas If aging is hard for the average person, imagine how hard it is for someone who has no current social circle, no family, no children, who works at home, is an HSP, an atheist, and a single lesbian. The greatest of these challenges is, for me, being without a partner. I am not suited to singlehood. I hate everything about it. I need someone to cook dinner for when she comes home … Continue reading →

Posted in frustration, SEXUALITY, fear, harsh realities, Aging, Social Psychology, romance, death, depression, PHILOSOPHY, angst, life, reality, loneliness, self-awareness, RELATIONSHIPS, ATHEISM, desperation, crisis, problem-solving, PSYCHOLOGY, midlife crisis, experience, Sociology, HEALTH, anxiety, lesbians, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, change, despair, Human Nature, EMOTIONS, disillusionment, Depressive Realism, truth, sadness, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), meaning, mortality | Tagged maturity, getting old | 2 Replies

Alien Tummy Tuck

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on September 12, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliSeptember 12, 2011

Just checking my hair. No apparent reason, just throwing a passing glance in the mirror on my way to turn on the shower, and saw some little blemish on my face. Closer inspection revealed nothing of consequence. But then i looked closer in the looking glass…(Alice never had a trip like that through the looking glass) closer…until i could see the pores on my skin, touch the bags under my eyes and saw how loose the skin was….my skin had become loose somewhere along the way. Not the skin of my 20’s,or even 30’s, but the skin of someone growing … Continue reading →

Posted in CHILDHOOD, Aging, UFO, memories, midlife crisis | 2 Replies

Projection

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on March 13, 2010 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 13, 2010

My eyes slid open at midnight, my attention on the projection clock image on the ceiling over my bed. 12:00. In the darkness, I watched it until it changed to –12:01. And then tears rolled down both checks and pooled at my temples. I closed my eyes again.

Continue reading →
Posted in Aging, birthday, midlife crisis | Leave a reply

Fat Chance: Lament of a Transplanted Single

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 24, 2010 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Before moving here, I never had to worry about what my friends thought of me. They knew me. Sometimes for 10 or 20 years–a few of them longer than that. And I was in relationships usually. Serial monogamist. So I didn’t have to worry about the impression I made, or if I was going to get laid anytime soon, or whether there was someone to confide in, play with…now, it’s all new. New State, new city, new people, and SINGLE, though not NEWLY SINGLE. Aside from a five month relationship, I’ve been single for what? 4 or 5 years? Add … Continue reading →

Posted in Internet Dating, moving, frustration, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, love, socializing, Aging, EMOTIONS, angst, Relocation, loneliness, awkwardness, fat, desperation, singlehood, dating, change, stress, Attraction, life, disillusionment, midlife crisis, sex, sadness, anxiety, lesbians, disability, SEXUALITY, women, harsh realities, chemistry | Tagged diet, fat chance, Army | Leave a reply

Making Tracks

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on August 8, 2009 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

So my first First Fridays at Tracks. I went, faithfully following my GPS, and watching the little pulsing blue dot that was me on the map, as I veered repeatedly from the route I was supposed to take. I’ve discovered that if I just drive straight shots through town, I do better. The Highway is confusing and I end up taking the wrong lane and having to circle back and start over. Later I ran into Tina and her friend and spent a little time with them. Everyone wanted to steal my electronic cigarette. I must get some stock to … Continue reading →

Posted in friendship, loneliness, awkwardness, PSYCHOLOGY, midlife crisis, change, anxiety, Aging, disillusionment, Lakewood, HUMOR, society, SEXUALITY, dating, Social anxiety, Social Psychology, life, harsh realities, Sociology, RELATIONSHIPS, moving, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, lesbians, Colorado, EMOTIONS, Driving, socializing, Denver | Tagged nightclub | 1 Reply

On the Heels of…

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on June 20, 2009 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

  I had a marathon conversation last night with an ex from 10 years ago; and reconnected with her (Terra), via something she came across in my blog. The last half of the conversation created a feeling of great discomfort for me–both then, and this morning. My dreams were filled with people from the past, and anxiety tinted the start of my day. I was aware that in this phone conversation, I had slipped back into old habits and patterns of response and emotion. Our conversation was triggering me like a pack of firecrackers. She is, at the moment, inextricably … Continue reading →

Posted in moving, exes, anxiety, conversation, Denver, Colorado, lesbians, Depressive Realism, anger, sacrifice, frustration, Supernatural Hypocrisy, Driving, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, betrayal, music, Aging, novelist, angst, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), sadness, depression, herniated disc, loneliness, SEXUALITY, disability, stress, injury, PSYCHOLOGY, Social Psychology, songwriter, life, triggers, HEALTH, RELIGION, writer, RELATIONSHIPS, Relocation, annoying people, The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology, harsh realities, fatigue, TRAVEL, change, Sociology, self-awareness, conflict, BOOKS, disillusionment, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, memories, problem-solving, midlife crisis, self-respect, EMOTIONS | 4 Replies

Things i don’t need.

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on October 14, 2008 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

  I don’t need ovaries, nor the monthly hemorrhaging that evolution has foisted upon me; this survival mechanism meant to perpetuate the species via progeny. I have not and will not ever experience life in my womb (apparently not even of the pleasurable, stimulating variety, if present is any indication of future). Even if i were young enough to bear children, I neither have the desire nor the likelihood of doing so as a lesbian who would never, by definition, sleep with a man, and could not fund the artificial process. I don’t need that lizard brain interpretation of the … Continue reading →

Posted in CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, Aging, EMOTIONS, depression, need, life, luck, sex, triggers, lesbians, midlife crisis, loneliness, despair, PSYCHOLOGY, Depressive Realism, disillusionment, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, sadness, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), harsh realities, SEXUALITY, self-awareness | Tagged don't need | Leave a reply

Brain Dump: Mortality & Meaning

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on March 25, 2008 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 10, 2013

Okay, I know this is going to be less a blog, and more a journal entry, but whatever. Consider it the first in a series of brain dumps. <<–Look, i even made a graphic for it…. Onward…. I usually try to see the bright side of things, and when I can’t do that, I try to see the funny side. Anyone who reads this blog knows that. And often the dark side can be funny, if you know how to manipulate the data. But this morning, I think my brain is in some other gear….PARK, maybe. It hits me like … Continue reading →

Posted in family, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, disillusionment, guilt, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), anger, self-awareness, meaning, sensitivity, betrayal, grief, fear, PHILOSOPHY, Social anxiety, frustration, luck, growth, Shoes, Aging, triggers, angst, reality, sadness, aggravation, singlehood, loneliness, BRAIN, purpose, life, midlife crisis, desperation, Sociology, mortality, RELATIONSHIPS, anxiety, PSYCHOLOGY, cats, cigarettes, quirks, despair, HEALTH, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, harsh realities, exes, Depressive Realism, existence, EMOTIONS | Tagged parrot, E Pluribus Unum, brain dump | Leave a reply

Alien Tummy Tuck

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on July 11, 2002 by Kelli Jae BaeliJuly 11, 2002

Just checking my hair. No apparent reason, just throwing a passing glance in the mirror on my way to turn on the shower, and saw some little blemish on my face. Closer inspection revealed nothing of consequence. But then i looked closer in the looking glass…(Alice never had a trip like that through the looking glass) closer…until i could see the pores on my skin, touch the bags under my eyes and saw how loose the skin was….my skin had become loose somewhere along the way. Not the skin of my 20’s,or even 30’s, but the skin of someone growing … Continue reading →

Posted in UFO, HUMOR, CHILDHOOD, Aging | Tagged alien | Leave a reply

Quotes from Kelli Jae Baeli

"I keep waiting for a bunch of torch-carrying village people to come get me...I don't mean VILLAGE PEOPLE...like Yyyyyyy--M--C--Aaaaaa. I don't know what those guys might carry. KY, perhaps Kaaaaaay--yyy-- Okay, not enough letters for that to fit the timing of the song...Anyway, no, Not Village People, Villagers. Torch-carrying Villagers. Hillary Clinton said it takes a village. But nothing is said of the Villagers themselves. Do they all carry torches? Or just the ones who are intolerant pyromaniacs?"

Politics Quotes

"People feel removed from sexism. 'I'm not a sexist, but I'm not a feminist.' They think there's this fuzzy middle ground. There's no fuzzy middle ground. You either believe that women are people or you don't. It's that simple." (Joss Whedon)

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Anyone who believes you can't change history has never tried to write his memoirs. ~David Ben Gurion

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“New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn't lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are “same sex” marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.” ~ Bill Maher, New Rules "For sexual reasons, single people envy married people. For sexual reasons, married people envy single people." ~David Mills, author of Atheist Universe

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