Category Archives: chaos

This-Close

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Change is good, they said. I believe that’s true, most days. Especially since I feel I’ve been in a bitch of a ditch for the last 7 years. Well, not the same ditch. Different ditches. But ditches, just the same. Trenches, maybe. Foxholes. Caves? Anyway, I was ready for those changes we were finally able to make. My wife was about to get a small inheritance. Just enough to get us where we needed to go, if we were lucky. But the inheritance was delayed by various machinations, a few of them due to some abject assholery perpetrated by other … Continue reading →

Charcoal Thursday Sale

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I had stretched my budget to the limit at the end of this month, and wasn’t sure when my check would go in, but assumed I’d be spending Thanksgiving eating an avocado pocket sandwich, rather than something with turkey in it, to at least commemorate the holiday. But then, my check went in early, and I thought. “Hey, I should go buy some kind of turkey dinner now.” Well. It was a holiday, and I knew many things would be closed. I just hoped at least one of the grocery stores would be open. So I got in my van … Continue reading →

Being a Delicate Organism

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Highly Sensitive People are, as the moniker suggests, acutely aware of stimuli. Which is one reason I prefer the designation of Highly Aware Person. HAP. I’m a Hap. A Happy. Sounds much better to me than being called “Highly Sensitive” which carries with it a rather pejorative tint. But HSP is the most commonly used acronym in reference to us, and so I feel a bit obligated to use it. HSPs are often aware of sensory input that others miss. We are about 20% of the population, and this Sensory Processing Sensitivity is found in around 100 other species, as … Continue reading →

Word Count & a Teeming Brain

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One writer mentioned on her blog that she hates it when other writers have word count widgets on their blogs. It was as if they were showing off how much writing they got done. She didn’t do word counts herself because there were times when she took writing out and replaced it, and then the word count stayed the same even though she might have had a perfectly good day’s writing under her literary belt. I have word count meters on my blog, but not for the reasons the aforementioned writer says. I have a word count meter because first, … Continue reading →

Stupid, Honorable, High-Road Seeking Fool

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In a post from a few years ago (two posts, actually, under Going to Denver Because You’re Dead) I chronicled this transition of moving to Colorado to start a new life; again reinventing myself, with the hope of somehow finding my new place in this ever-changing, ever-challenging world.  I got rid of three-quarters of everything i owned, packed a U-Haul trailer behind my Cherryot, and off I went. A journey that lasted 30 hours on many days of little sleep. By the time I arrived in Denver, i was exhausted, lost, and had this sensation of being on another planet. … Continue reading →

Why not Me?

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Pulitzer and Nobel Prize-winning author, Pearl S. Buck  said, “A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create~ so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off…They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency … Continue reading →

Vamoosing

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Suspended my Netflix account. Still packing, desperately needing boxes. Downstairs, I pulled up everything in that storage room, which was the contents brought so far from storage when I actually thought I was going to be living here permanently, and her mother had finally moved, so I could do that. But only after we had ripped up the carpet down there and cleaned the unbelievable nastiness her mother lived in. bleach fumes, up and down stairs, aching body. I realized I would have to leave some things behind because it wouldn’t fit in my car or in storage, and I … Continue reading →

Cranky-Panted Chaos Theory

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Okay, i know everyone has those times when they feel that the Universe is out of alignment and things are just not gellin’ like a melon, but it still causes me great consternation. I am trying to frame it differently in my head… A series of things have led to my generalized condition of CRANKY-PANTS….1) I discovered that after 6 months of trying to make a relationship work, it was doomed from the start, and then after moving on to friendship, had to endure a personal attack, (see “et tu brute” on this blog) and2) Then I discovered that this … Continue reading →

Orbital Chaos Theory

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In regard to personal growth as human beings, I have developed what I call the Orbital Chaos Theory Model. We are all in an orbit, and some of us are closer to Source than others, even though there is no “Echelon mentality” about it–meaning, we are all equal in our humanity, yet evolving at our own pace…. The closer to Source we get, the fewer kindred companions we have…there are more people on the outer rings….fewer on the inner ones…every so often we line up with someone else. Rarely are they on the same orbit, sometimes they are on the … Continue reading →