Category Archives: anger

Two 2020 Mantras

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ADAPT OR DIE. That’s the new mantra. Our world has changed, and don’t you believe for a hot minute the fairy tale that things will go back to “normal.” First, they haven’t been “normal” for the last three-plus years. Second, there is no way they ever will, because too much has changed, and there are things that SHOULD CHANGE. This is a flashpoint. A pivotal point in our history. We can take the opportunity now to implement all those things that got bogged down in various sociopolitical quicksands, and create a brighter future for us all. Or we can fuck … Continue reading →

Yes I Want to Take Your (War) Guns

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First, I am a humanist and a liberal Democrat. I am also a military veteran. I don’t hunt, because I don’t have the heart for it, and would only do it in a survival situation. I do, however, feel better if I have a gun of some kind to protect me and mine against break-ins. (See, women are naturally like that, since we are the ones who get raped by men). I have no problem doing the gun ownership legally, and proving that I can safely own and use a firearm. Check my background. I have nothing to hide.   … Continue reading →

Rocking the Boat

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Don’t say anything. Don’t make a comment. It will make you look bad. That’s the usual advice in the publishing industry when someone posts a caustic review of your book, under the assumption that this is about some type of insecurity on the part of a writer. This is not insecurity. It is frustration, and in this case, it’s also outrage. In fact, historically, authors are expected to keep their mouth shut about these things, but I am a proponent of the adage Silence equals Death. This advice to stay mum strikes me as the same mentality that got that Orange Nightmare in the Oval … Continue reading →

Is it Goodreads or Badreaders?

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I’ve always believed that every ill in our society falls under one or more of three categories: Greed, Ignorance or Zealotry. I was faced with an example of one or more of these while updating my author page on Goodreads. I came across a negative review, quite by accident, of one of my earlier books. Against my better judgment, I read it, and was horrified. The reviewer, obviously, did not like my book, and that’s fine, in and of itself, but this reviewer made statements that were patently false. She claimed the character in my book was “helping a pedophile.” … Continue reading →

Don’t be part of the problem

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If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. We’ve all heard that mantra, but it’s true. Recently, I was caught at just the right moment (inopportune, maybe) by a post a “writer” made, asking for help with formatting, and lamenting how hard it was and wondering why she had to worry about it at all. Her posts throughout also revealed that she could not even handle a few sentences without making errors. And then there were all the commenters helping her like she was a child. So I posted an angry comment. I don’t like to … Continue reading →

Happy Thanksgivoween

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NOTE: I typed in Thanksgivoween, as the title of this blog, while thumbing it into my iPhone…and the autocorrect made it Thank Gully Nig (sounds like a good title- who’s Gully Nig?–I’m sure I’ll come up with a story for that). So–Today I am thankful that I finally found the love of my life even though we can’t be together right now. I am thankful that I have a nice vehicle to provide autonomy and comfort, and a reasonably comfortable place to live, even though it’s just a lonely hotel and nothing more. I am thankful that I am able to … Continue reading →

Going Mainstream

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CAUTION: FRUSTRATED RANT HOVERING NEARBY. When you find yourself, as a writer, lamenting about why you’re even writing at all, and entertaining the idea of not writing any more, something has to change. I’m growing more and more frustrated with, and weary of, the lack of support from Lesbian Readers for what I want to offer them. I am sick to death of their constant praise of bad writing in the LesFic market, and their unwillingness to demand better, and try anything out of their narrow reading interests. It’s painfully clear that most LesFic Readers have literary blinders, and will … Continue reading →

Stupid, Honorable, High-Road Seeking Fool

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In a post from a few years ago (two posts, actually, under Going to Denver Because You’re Dead) I chronicled this transition of moving to Colorado to start a new life; again reinventing myself, with the hope of somehow finding my new place in this ever-changing, ever-challenging world.  I got rid of three-quarters of everything i owned, packed a U-Haul trailer behind my Cherryot, and off I went. A journey that lasted 30 hours on many days of little sleep. By the time I arrived in Denver, i was exhausted, lost, and had this sensation of being on another planet. … Continue reading →

Why not Me?

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Pulitzer and Nobel Prize-winning author, Pearl S. Buck  said, “A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create~ so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off…They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency … Continue reading →

Letter to a Battered Heart

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Open letter to a friend whose heart is battered…. I remember that you were there for me when I was going through a lot and had no one. So I will do my best to be here for you, now. In this life, you have to separate your mental and emotional things, your habits, your beliefs–like laundry. Whites over there, colors over there, delicates there. You can’t throw them all in together or the colors will bleed and what was once pure and white is now sullied. Some things must be kept apart, some things put together, and you always … Continue reading →

EXTENDED STRESS Hotel.

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My Cherryot was loaded to capacity, with the things I thought I’d need for two months, until an apartment became available.   At Extended Stay, I checked in with desk clerk–started to unload, and had to take several things up first (5 trips in elevator) before I noticed that there was a luggage cart in front with a tattooed guy leaning on it talking to another guy. “Oh a luggage cart!” I said. “I need that.” He said he only had a couple of things and rushed off to get his task done so I could have it. Meantime, I … Continue reading →

Vamoosing

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Suspended my Netflix account. Still packing, desperately needing boxes. Downstairs, I pulled up everything in that storage room, which was the contents brought so far from storage when I actually thought I was going to be living here permanently, and her mother had finally moved, so I could do that. But only after we had ripped up the carpet down there and cleaned the unbelievable nastiness her mother lived in. bleach fumes, up and down stairs, aching body. I realized I would have to leave some things behind because it wouldn’t fit in my car or in storage, and I … Continue reading →

Turn Turn, Turn: the Phantom Ex

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  Okay, again, my heart is pounding, and again, I am off balance, trying to sooth my trembling hands… I’m not one to go around asking for advice. I’m usually only giving it, but I just might need some insight from my Facebook friends. I just found a message on my phone from…..GUESS WHO? The Ex. The one who wrote that inscription to me, and the the one that I suppose is at the root of all this crap with Becky Haynes. It’s surprisingly nerve-wracking to hear the voice of a person you were in love with over a decade … Continue reading →

Turn, Turn, Turn

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{reposted from Facebook} I just had a really unsettling experience. I’m trying right now to just calm my thumping heart, and take a breath. One thing that is no secret about me, is that I don’t have many secrets. I am pretty open. I have to be, because I am a creative person who produces creative material. But I don’t pretend that I’m so special that i don’t have a day to day life with day to day struggles and victories that i wish to share with those in my life. Nor do I pretend that human nature is always … Continue reading →

On the Heels of…

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  I had a marathon conversation last night with an ex from 10 years ago; and reconnected with her (Terra), via something she came across in my blog. The last half of the conversation created a feeling of great discomfort for me–both then, and this morning. My dreams were filled with people from the past, and anxiety tinted the start of my day. I was aware that in this phone conversation, I had slipped back into old habits and patterns of response and emotion. Our conversation was triggering me like a pack of firecrackers. She is, at the moment, inextricably … Continue reading →