Category Archives: angst

This-Close

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Change is good, they said. I believe that’s true, most days. Especially since I feel I’ve been in a bitch of a ditch for the last 7 years. Well, not the same ditch. Different ditches. But ditches, just the same. Trenches, maybe. Foxholes. Caves? Anyway, I was ready for those changes we were finally able to make. My wife was about to get a small inheritance. Just enough to get us where we needed to go, if we were lucky. But the inheritance was delayed by various machinations, a few of them due to some abject assholery perpetrated by other … Continue reading →

Rocking the Boat

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Don’t say anything. Don’t make a comment. It will make you look bad. That’s the usual advice in the publishing industry when someone posts a caustic review of your book, under the assumption that this is about some type of insecurity on the part of a writer. This is not insecurity. It is frustration, and in this case, it’s also outrage. In fact, historically, authors are expected to keep their mouth shut about these things, but I am a proponent of the adage Silence equals Death. This advice to stay mum strikes me as the same mentality that got that Orange Nightmare in the Oval … Continue reading →

A Toxic Person

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This is precisely the thing I am living right now. I needed this reminder to hold my head high, knowing that what any toxic person might say or do to impugn me, I can choose courage and integrity, that I have the truth on my side, and that thinking, discerning people will understand that. ‪#‎TruthWins‬ … Continue reading →

Don’t Make me Unfriend You

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When you blend your professional and personal life on Facebook, there will inevitably be instances where the two collide, and not in a good way. Some people might like your writing and be big fans who buy all your books, while they simultaneously make snarky comments to personal posts you make, regarding, say political issues–even when they are not, themselves, properly informed of the issues and the ramifications thereof. If they can’t see the forest for the trees, perhaps it’s time to stop venturing blindly into territory for which they have no map. The hateful rhetoric in our political milieu, … Continue reading →

We the People, Saying NO

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Negativity. It’s not just a mindset anymore, now it’s a natural result of watching national election events. I’m talking about the negativity that arises naturally from watching the masses trail along the demi-gods like lemmings, believing the most obvious and outrageous lies, with no compunction about checking the facts on their own. The hatred, the vitriol, the dirty-dealing, right under everyone’s noses while no one ever gets held accountable. Maybe it’s more accurately disillusionment, but that word doesn’t seem strong enough. But it disgusts me. I see so much potential for us to have a peaceful, loving, integrity-filled world, but … Continue reading →

Is This How it Starts?

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Supine, in the bed for that nap I’m supposed to honor every day now, I was struck by an epiphany… What if my life has been lived? What if I’m now going to settle into that twilight of routine and isness? What if the main dish has been served, and all that’s left is the dessert and the check? It’s not as if I feel I need new adventures or challenges. I WANT things to slow down. In fact, I could not withstand more of what I’ve already endured. But the really sobering aspect still remains. I lived most of … Continue reading →

Don’t be part of the problem

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If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. We’ve all heard that mantra, but it’s true. Recently, I was caught at just the right moment (inopportune, maybe) by a post a “writer” made, asking for help with formatting, and lamenting how hard it was and wondering why she had to worry about it at all. Her posts throughout also revealed that she could not even handle a few sentences without making errors. And then there were all the commenters helping her like she was a child. So I posted an angry comment. I don’t like to … Continue reading →

Adventures in Indie Publishing, Incident #227:

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Amazon informed me that they pulled my book, Rain Falls, off sale, because they were getting too many complaints from readers about a chunk of missing text in the digital version. I realized immediately what was happening, and I rolled my eyes so hard, I could see my brain. My apparently way-too-clever brain. I made adjustments in the file to accommodate this, and added this note to readers in the front:   SPECIAL NOTE TO READERS Recently, Amazon pulled this book down, because too many readers were complaining about missing text. Apparently, those readers did not understand that the missing … Continue reading →

A Bowl of Cherries Vs. Sucking Beetroot

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Greetings, Precious Readers. As most of you know, I’ve had a rather eventful few years. Yes, i found the love of my life, and we are now happily engaged to be married. But getting to this point was a path strewn with rocks and blocks and sharp pointy things, and quicksand and befanged beasts, attacking from all sides. Okay, that might have been a tad melodramatic. But it’s been really challenging. It’s harder than it seems to leave everything behind and start from scratch in another country when you don’t even like to leave the house, and you’re also an … Continue reading →

Going Mainstream

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CAUTION: FRUSTRATED RANT HOVERING NEARBY. When you find yourself, as a writer, lamenting about why you’re even writing at all, and entertaining the idea of not writing any more, something has to change. I’m growing more and more frustrated with, and weary of, the lack of support from Lesbian Readers for what I want to offer them. I am sick to death of their constant praise of bad writing in the LesFic market, and their unwillingness to demand better, and try anything out of their narrow reading interests. It’s painfully clear that most LesFic Readers have literary blinders, and will … Continue reading →

Irony-Fest on Giving it Away

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Welcome to the Irony-Fest, please sign in and wear your name tags. This topic has become a comedy of ironies. Herein lies the oft-repeated back-handed compliments and erroneous and mixed opinions we authors often deal with, in relation to our work. It seems that some readers just don’t understand nor appreciate what authors are offering, and why. And they don’t seem to understand the function of short works in this regard. Would that we could be treated with the same respect that other professions enjoy, without  suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. In one blog, Distracting Fiction: Brand … Continue reading →

Stupid, Honorable, High-Road Seeking Fool

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In a post from a few years ago (two posts, actually, under Going to Denver Because You’re Dead) I chronicled this transition of moving to Colorado to start a new life; again reinventing myself, with the hope of somehow finding my new place in this ever-changing, ever-challenging world.  I got rid of three-quarters of everything i owned, packed a U-Haul trailer behind my Cherryot, and off I went. A journey that lasted 30 hours on many days of little sleep. By the time I arrived in Denver, i was exhausted, lost, and had this sensation of being on another planet. … Continue reading →

Why not Me?

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Pulitzer and Nobel Prize-winning author, Pearl S. Buck  said, “A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create~ so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off…They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency … Continue reading →

Letter to a Battered Heart

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Open letter to a friend whose heart is battered…. I remember that you were there for me when I was going through a lot and had no one. So I will do my best to be here for you, now. In this life, you have to separate your mental and emotional things, your habits, your beliefs–like laundry. Whites over there, colors over there, delicates there. You can’t throw them all in together or the colors will bleed and what was once pure and white is now sullied. Some things must be kept apart, some things put together, and you always … Continue reading →

Agnosco veteris vestigia flammae–I feel once more the scars of the old flame…

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Most things for me, now, are in the context of being an HSP. My Sensory Processing Sensitivity is a brain architecture that will never change. It is part of me as much as DNA or eye color or ethnic origins. I know that one of my main weaknesses in this life, is that I don’t do well as a single person, and by extension, I don’t do well sexless. Those needs get in the way of my common sense in evaluating the character of some women. So I have been so bold as to place ads on adult sites, seeking … Continue reading →