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Kelli Jae Baeli

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Home→Categories EMOTIONS→despair

Category Archives: despair

Furiously Happy:
My brain hungered for humor. Was absolutely famished for fun.

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on August 24, 2020 by Kelli Jae BaeliSeptember 11, 2020

I am very picky about the books I read, and it’s hard to find anything that doesn’t either piss me off or bore me. That might just be a product of having been an Indie Author, honing her craft for 30 years, or maybe it’s just me being too damn critical. But I never had problems in my younger years. Like say, my twenties and before. But then, I didn’t write my first book until I was 26. So maybe it really is that being an author affects my ability to enjoy reading other authors that aren’t top-notch. Garbage in, … Continue reading →

Posted in despair, Jenny Lawson, desperation, Depressive Realism, Furiously Happy, Social anxiety, sensitivity, Lets Pretend This Never Happened, writer, Social Psychology, reading, harsh realities, ENTERTAINMENT, mental illness, reality, self-awareness, memoir genre, depression, novelist, CURRENT AFFAIRS, stress, BOOKS, coping skills, WRITING CRAFT, WRITING LIFE, Humor genre, distraction, anxiety, Book review, happiness | Leave a reply

Two 2020 Mantras:
Adapt or die, Vote or die

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on May 18, 2020 by Kelli Jae BaeliMay 18, 2020

ADAPT OR DIE. That’s the new mantra. Our world has changed, and don’t you believe for a hot minute the fairy tale that things will go back to “normal.” First, they haven’t been “normal” for the last three-plus years. Second, there is no way they ever will, because too much has changed, and there are things that SHOULD CHANGE. This is a flashpoint. A pivotal point in our history. We can take the opportunity now to implement all those things that got bogged down in various sociopolitical quicksands, and create a brighter future for us all. Or we can fuck … Continue reading →

Posted in problem-solving, democracy, anger, fascism, anxiety, Human Nature, courage, ethics, equality, despair, elections, immigration, morality, pandemic, strength, fear, education, sadness, donald trump, danger, angst, betrayal, money, COVID19, panic, chaos, adaptation, terrorism, coronavirus, risk, desperation, racism, honesty, frustration, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, change, Climate Change, harsh realities, SOCIOPOLITICAL, CURRENT AFFAIRS, responsibility, Planet Earth, death, aggravation, US Constitution, disillusionment, Native Americans, crisis, life, Founding Fathers, voting, 2nd Amendment, grief | Leave a reply

Whole Brain Literary Food

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 12, 2016 by Kelli Jae BaeliJanuary 25, 2018

Recently, I posted a inquiry to my readers, about a publishing aspect of my work. All the responses were encouraging and thought-provoking, but one in particular touched upon some deeper themes. Here it is. TO MY READERS–A QUESTION: As authors, we want to please everyone, but that’s just not possible. For instance, on my newest novella, Saturation Point, I have 4 and 5 star reviews and personal messages and emails that tell me how much they enjoyed the introspective nature of this book, and the characters, but on one review, the reviewer was bored because there wasn’t dialogue on every … Continue reading →

Posted in Fiction, novelwriting, CREATIVITY, writing business, reality, inspiration, WRITING LIFE, PUBLISHING, desperation, despair, Fiction Writing, responsibility, independent author, EMOTIONS, suicide, indie publisher, adaptation, hope, Writing tips, reviews, Kelli Jae Baeli, WRITING, writer, reading, WRITING CRAFT, harsh realities, Social Psychology, truth, novelist, ENTERTAINMENT, growth | Leave a reply

To my readers: Be brave, be strong

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 11, 2016 by Kelli Jae BaeliSeptember 25, 2017

  TO ALL YOU LOVELY READERS: There are formidable challenges ahead of us. This will be hard. So take some time to enjoy nature, to read, as you always do, if you need to get yourself grounded. But then do your part to make things better. If I’ve learned one thing by studying human nature and writing about it all these years, I’ve learned that the human spirit is also formidable. We’ll get through this. Be brave, even when you feel scared. Be strong, even as your hands shake. Smile and hug people. Show love and compassion and resiliency, even … Continue reading →

Posted in sadness, hope, grief, anxiety, despair, panic, frustration, elections, fear, disillusionment | Leave a reply

Stupid, Honorable, High-Road Seeking Fool

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 22, 2012 by Kelli Jae BaeliJuly 31, 2013

In a post from a few years ago (two posts, actually, under Going to Denver Because You’re Dead) I chronicled this transition of moving to Colorado to start a new life; again reinventing myself, with the hope of somehow finding my new place in this ever-changing, ever-challenging world.  I got rid of three-quarters of everything i owned, packed a U-Haul trailer behind my Cherryot, and off I went. A journey that lasted 30 hours on many days of little sleep. By the time I arrived in Denver, i was exhausted, lost, and had this sensation of being on another planet. … Continue reading →

Posted in love, sensitivity, hope, PTSD, Relocation, friendship, panic, disability, problem-solving, U-Haul, angst, purpose, exes, midlife crisis, chaos, WRITING, frustration, harsh realities, Human Nature, domestic violence, loneliness, Xanax, Aging, crisis, Driving, anxiety, desperation, Writer's Block, depression, moving, guilt, apartment, change, Social Psychology, aggravation, Colorado, women, despair, disillusionment, trust, stress, need, meaning, Lakewood, anger, life, fear, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, betrayal, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, RELATIONSHIPS, grief, phobias, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), sadness, EMOTIONS, conflict, luck | Tagged anxiety attack, partners, loss | 2 Replies

The Fourth Betrayal

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on January 22, 2012 by Kelli Jae BaeliFebruary 23, 2012

NOTE: So, in my seeking help when i needed it, for my recent betrayals and abandonments, the counselor i went to see called the next day to inform me she couldn’t see me anymore and for a really stupid reason. I tried to reason with her on the phone, but she had to stand by what she felt was her principals, but which was only LOFTY IDEAS getting in the way of her ability to give the actual care she had sworn to as a medical professional. Finally frustrated beyond words and feeling even worse, i hung up on her. … Continue reading →

Posted in self-awareness, frustration, despair, PSYCHOLOGY, email, depression, responsibility, reason, stress, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, disillusionment, RELATIONSHIPS, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), suicide, grief, sensitivity, betrayal, luck, Behavior, Social Psychology, ethics, malpractice, problem-solving, sadness, truth, triggers, women, writer, friendship, honesty, WRITING LIFE, desperation | Tagged outcast, debate, disagreement, logic, paradigms, letters, defense, opinions | Leave a reply

Why not Me?

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on December 20, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliAugust 30, 2013

Pulitzer and Nobel Prize-winning author, Pearl S. Buck  said, “A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create~ so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off…They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency … Continue reading →

Posted in anger, sensitivity, romance, Social anxiety, friendship, sadness, angst, harsh realities, frustration, chaos, self-awareness, depression, CREATIVITY, socializing, stress, loneliness, anxiety, life, desperation, despair, RELATIONSHIPS, PSYCHOLOGY, Depressive Realism, Driving, disillusionment, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, meaning, AUTHORS, fear | Tagged Dr. Elaine Aron, PhD, introversion | Leave a reply

Letter to a Battered Heart

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 29, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Open letter to a friend whose heart is battered…. I remember that you were there for me when I was going through a lot and had no one. So I will do my best to be here for you, now. In this life, you have to separate your mental and emotional things, your habits, your beliefs–like laundry. Whites over there, colors over there, delicates there. You can’t throw them all in together or the colors will bleed and what was once pure and white is now sullied. Some things must be kept apart, some things put together, and you always … Continue reading →

Posted in truth, despair, loneliness, celibacy, dating, Kelli Jae Baeli, guilt, intimacy, desperation, music, stress, honesty, women, sensitivity, PSYCHOLOGY, Jonatha Brooke, life, girlfriends, happiness, SEXUALITY, lies, RELATIONSHIPS, harsh realities, meaning, Social Psychology, disillusionment, conflict, communication, fear, ENTERTAINMENT, self-respect, Behavior, self-awareness, romance, PHILOSOPHY, anger, exes, reason, love, reality, betrayal, experience, grief, friendship, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, Social anxiety, lesbians, socializing, growth, EMOTIONS, frustration, sadness, Human Nature, anxiety, angst, courage, depression, hope | Leave a reply

Mid-Life Crisis, Much?

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on October 9, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~Dylan Thomas If aging is hard for the average person, imagine how hard it is for someone who has no current social circle, no family, no children, who works at home, is an HSP, an atheist, and a single lesbian. The greatest of these challenges is, for me, being without a partner. I am not suited to singlehood. I hate everything about it. I need someone to cook dinner for when she comes home … Continue reading →

Posted in mortality, frustration, SEXUALITY, fear, harsh realities, Aging, Social Psychology, romance, death, depression, PHILOSOPHY, angst, life, reality, loneliness, self-awareness, RELATIONSHIPS, ATHEISM, desperation, crisis, problem-solving, PSYCHOLOGY, midlife crisis, experience, Sociology, HEALTH, anxiety, lesbians, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, change, despair, Human Nature, EMOTIONS, disillusionment, Depressive Realism, truth, sadness, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), meaning | Tagged maturity, getting old | 2 Replies

To Be or Not to Be

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on May 7, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliDecember 5, 2011

Damaged people live among us. They deny, they lament, they scream, and think no one hears them. So they self-medicate, create grand illusions of fictive comfort, and when those fictions fail them, then finally, they descend into the abyss of helpless despair. When we hear our elders speak of “the good ol’ days”–we mustn’t dismiss the significance of those simpler times. They matter, because all those hordes of damaged people would have been fine in 1952, but now, they have to deal with chaos and war and complications and the economy and drugs and challenge and an ever-increasing onslaught of … Continue reading →

Posted in Human Nature, Shakespeare, despair, strength | Tagged global village, damage | Leave a reply

Things i don’t need.

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on October 14, 2008 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

  I don’t need ovaries, nor the monthly hemorrhaging that evolution has foisted upon me; this survival mechanism meant to perpetuate the species via progeny. I have not and will not ever experience life in my womb (apparently not even of the pleasurable, stimulating variety, if present is any indication of future). Even if i were young enough to bear children, I neither have the desire nor the likelihood of doing so as a lesbian who would never, by definition, sleep with a man, and could not fund the artificial process. I don’t need that lizard brain interpretation of the … Continue reading →

Posted in Sensory Processing Sensitivity, sadness, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), harsh realities, SEXUALITY, self-awareness, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, Aging, EMOTIONS, depression, need, life, luck, sex, triggers, lesbians, midlife crisis, loneliness, despair, PSYCHOLOGY, Depressive Realism, disillusionment | Tagged don't need | Leave a reply

Brain Dump: Mortality & Meaning

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on March 25, 2008 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 10, 2013

Okay, I know this is going to be less a blog, and more a journal entry, but whatever. Consider it the first in a series of brain dumps. <<–Look, i even made a graphic for it…. Onward…. I usually try to see the bright side of things, and when I can’t do that, I try to see the funny side. Anyone who reads this blog knows that. And often the dark side can be funny, if you know how to manipulate the data. But this morning, I think my brain is in some other gear….PARK, maybe. It hits me like … Continue reading →

Posted in RELATIONSHIPS, anxiety, PSYCHOLOGY, cats, cigarettes, quirks, despair, HEALTH, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, harsh realities, exes, Depressive Realism, existence, EMOTIONS, family, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, disillusionment, guilt, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), anger, self-awareness, meaning, sensitivity, betrayal, grief, fear, PHILOSOPHY, Social anxiety, frustration, luck, growth, Shoes, Aging, triggers, angst, reality, sadness, aggravation, singlehood, loneliness, BRAIN, purpose, life, midlife crisis, desperation, Sociology, mortality | Tagged brain dump, parrot, E Pluribus Unum | Leave a reply

Quotes from Kelli Jae Baeli

Rush Limbaugh invited Obama to appear on his show and speak without a teleprompter. As if Obama is incapable of freestyling his words. Obama is perfectly capable of speaking without a script. Just like Rush Limbaugh is capable of speaking without a brain.

Politics Quotes

"People feel removed from sexism. 'I'm not a sexist, but I'm not a feminist.' They think there's this fuzzy middle ground. There's no fuzzy middle ground. You either believe that women are people or you don't. It's that simple." (Joss Whedon)

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