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Kelli Jae Baeli

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Home→Categories EMOTIONS→desperation 1 2 >>

Category Archives: desperation

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Furiously Happy:
My brain hungered for humor. Was absolutely famished for fun.

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on August 24, 2020 by Kelli Jae BaeliSeptember 11, 2020

I am very picky about the books I read, and it’s hard to find anything that doesn’t either piss me off or bore me. That might just be a product of having been an Indie Author, honing her craft for 30 years, or maybe it’s just me being too damn critical. But I never had problems in my younger years. Like say, my twenties and before. But then, I didn’t write my first book until I was 26. So maybe it really is that being an author affects my ability to enjoy reading other authors that aren’t top-notch. Garbage in, … Continue reading →

Posted in WRITING CRAFT, WRITING LIFE, Humor genre, distraction, anxiety, Book review, happiness, despair, Jenny Lawson, desperation, Depressive Realism, Furiously Happy, Social anxiety, sensitivity, Lets Pretend This Never Happened, writer, Social Psychology, reading, harsh realities, ENTERTAINMENT, mental illness, reality, self-awareness, memoir genre, depression, novelist, CURRENT AFFAIRS, stress, BOOKS, coping skills | Leave a reply

Two 2020 Mantras:
Adapt or die, Vote or die

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on May 18, 2020 by Kelli Jae BaeliMay 18, 2020

ADAPT OR DIE. That’s the new mantra. Our world has changed, and don’t you believe for a hot minute the fairy tale that things will go back to “normal.” First, they haven’t been “normal” for the last three-plus years. Second, there is no way they ever will, because too much has changed, and there are things that SHOULD CHANGE. This is a flashpoint. A pivotal point in our history. We can take the opportunity now to implement all those things that got bogged down in various sociopolitical quicksands, and create a brighter future for us all. Or we can fuck … Continue reading →

Posted in death, aggravation, US Constitution, disillusionment, Native Americans, crisis, life, Founding Fathers, voting, 2nd Amendment, grief, problem-solving, democracy, anger, fascism, anxiety, Human Nature, courage, ethics, equality, despair, elections, immigration, morality, pandemic, strength, fear, education, sadness, donald trump, danger, angst, betrayal, money, COVID19, panic, chaos, adaptation, terrorism, coronavirus, risk, desperation, racism, honesty, frustration, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, change, Climate Change, harsh realities, SOCIOPOLITICAL, CURRENT AFFAIRS, responsibility, Planet Earth | Leave a reply

Whole Brain Literary Food

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 12, 2016 by Kelli Jae BaeliJanuary 25, 2018

Recently, I posted a inquiry to my readers, about a publishing aspect of my work. All the responses were encouraging and thought-provoking, but one in particular touched upon some deeper themes. Here it is. TO MY READERS–A QUESTION: As authors, we want to please everyone, but that’s just not possible. For instance, on my newest novella, Saturation Point, I have 4 and 5 star reviews and personal messages and emails that tell me how much they enjoyed the introspective nature of this book, and the characters, but on one review, the reviewer was bored because there wasn’t dialogue on every … Continue reading →

Posted in Social Psychology, truth, novelist, ENTERTAINMENT, growth, Fiction, novelwriting, CREATIVITY, writing business, reality, inspiration, WRITING LIFE, PUBLISHING, desperation, despair, Fiction Writing, responsibility, independent author, EMOTIONS, suicide, indie publisher, adaptation, hope, Writing tips, reviews, Kelli Jae Baeli, WRITING, writer, reading, WRITING CRAFT, harsh realities | Leave a reply

Stupid, Honorable, High-Road Seeking Fool

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 22, 2012 by Kelli Jae BaeliJuly 31, 2013

In a post from a few years ago (two posts, actually, under Going to Denver Because You’re Dead) I chronicled this transition of moving to Colorado to start a new life; again reinventing myself, with the hope of somehow finding my new place in this ever-changing, ever-challenging world.  I got rid of three-quarters of everything i owned, packed a U-Haul trailer behind my Cherryot, and off I went. A journey that lasted 30 hours on many days of little sleep. By the time I arrived in Denver, i was exhausted, lost, and had this sensation of being on another planet. … Continue reading →

Posted in disillusionment, trust, stress, need, meaning, Lakewood, anger, life, fear, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, betrayal, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, RELATIONSHIPS, grief, phobias, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), sadness, EMOTIONS, conflict, luck, love, sensitivity, hope, PTSD, Relocation, friendship, panic, disability, problem-solving, U-Haul, angst, purpose, exes, midlife crisis, chaos, WRITING, frustration, harsh realities, Human Nature, domestic violence, loneliness, Xanax, Aging, crisis, Driving, anxiety, desperation, Writer's Block, depression, moving, guilt, apartment, change, Social Psychology, aggravation, Colorado, women, despair | Tagged partners, loss, anxiety attack | 2 Replies

The Fourth Betrayal

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on January 22, 2012 by Kelli Jae BaeliFebruary 23, 2012

NOTE: So, in my seeking help when i needed it, for my recent betrayals and abandonments, the counselor i went to see called the next day to inform me she couldn’t see me anymore and for a really stupid reason. I tried to reason with her on the phone, but she had to stand by what she felt was her principals, but which was only LOFTY IDEAS getting in the way of her ability to give the actual care she had sworn to as a medical professional. Finally frustrated beyond words and feeling even worse, i hung up on her. … Continue reading →

Posted in truth, triggers, women, writer, friendship, honesty, WRITING LIFE, desperation, self-awareness, frustration, despair, PSYCHOLOGY, email, depression, responsibility, reason, stress, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, disillusionment, RELATIONSHIPS, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), suicide, grief, sensitivity, betrayal, luck, Behavior, Social Psychology, ethics, malpractice, problem-solving, sadness | Tagged paradigms, letters, defense, opinions, outcast, debate, disagreement, logic | Leave a reply

Why not Me?

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on December 20, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliAugust 30, 2013

Pulitzer and Nobel Prize-winning author, Pearl S. Buck  said, “A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create~ so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off…They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency … Continue reading →

Posted in despair, RELATIONSHIPS, PSYCHOLOGY, Depressive Realism, Driving, disillusionment, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, meaning, AUTHORS, fear, anger, sensitivity, romance, Social anxiety, friendship, sadness, angst, harsh realities, frustration, chaos, self-awareness, depression, CREATIVITY, socializing, stress, loneliness, anxiety, life, desperation | Tagged introversion, Dr. Elaine Aron, PhD | Leave a reply

Letter to a Battered Heart

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 29, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Open letter to a friend whose heart is battered…. I remember that you were there for me when I was going through a lot and had no one. So I will do my best to be here for you, now. In this life, you have to separate your mental and emotional things, your habits, your beliefs–like laundry. Whites over there, colors over there, delicates there. You can’t throw them all in together or the colors will bleed and what was once pure and white is now sullied. Some things must be kept apart, some things put together, and you always … Continue reading →

Posted in love, reality, betrayal, experience, grief, friendship, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, Social anxiety, lesbians, socializing, growth, EMOTIONS, frustration, sadness, Human Nature, anxiety, angst, courage, depression, hope, truth, despair, loneliness, celibacy, dating, Kelli Jae Baeli, guilt, intimacy, desperation, music, stress, honesty, women, sensitivity, PSYCHOLOGY, Jonatha Brooke, life, girlfriends, happiness, SEXUALITY, lies, RELATIONSHIPS, harsh realities, meaning, Social Psychology, disillusionment, conflict, communication, fear, ENTERTAINMENT, self-respect, Behavior, self-awareness, romance, PHILOSOPHY, anger, exes, reason | Leave a reply

Agnosco veteris vestigia flammae–I feel once more the scars of the old flame…

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 13, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Most things for me, now, are in the context of being an HSP. My Sensory Processing Sensitivity is a brain architecture that will never change. It is part of me as much as DNA or eye color or ethnic origins. I know that one of my main weaknesses in this life, is that I don’t do well as a single person, and by extension, I don’t do well sexless. Those needs get in the way of my common sense in evaluating the character of some women. So I have been so bold as to place ads on adult sites, seeking … Continue reading →

Posted in self-awareness, Social Psychology, sex, Colorado, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, RELATIONSHIPS, socializing, lesbians, triggers, romance, midlife crisis, love, anxiety, friendship, Depressive Realism, angst, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, depression, loneliness, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), dating, desperation, intimacy, stress, PSYCHOLOGY, SEXUALITY, life | Leave a reply

Too Much World: A Look at Highly Sensitive People

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 7, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliAugust 30, 2013

In an article in Psychology Today,* I again found comfort in the knowledge that there are others like me out there, and my particular brand of weirdness is not “damage” but an inherent brain architecture I am born with. Just like others are born with blue eyes or musical ability.I speak of those in our species who live with Sensory Processing Sensitivity, which is the scientific term for this trait. More colloquially, it is known as HSP- Highly Sensitive Person, a collection of traits that was identified in pioneering research by Elaine Aron, PhD. Regarding the nature of HSP’s, Aron … Continue reading →

Posted in CREATIVITY, Social Psychology, desperation, PHILOSOPHY, PSYCHOLOGY, Arts, intelligence, disability, BRAIN, depression, self-awareness, Sociology, stress, anxiety, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, experience, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, EMOTIONS, Human Nature, fear, open relationships, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), angst, sensitivity | Tagged intraversion, introversion | Leave a reply

Hanging the Moon and Lesbian Monikers

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 3, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

I placed another personal ad on Craigslist. Hopefully this won’t turn into a freak-fest like it did last time. And if it does, well, more material for my writing. LOL. The Ad I used before was way more humorous, but I was afraid it might be overwhelming and make ME look a little crazy. Who knows? Here’s the one I used before: Only seek LOCAL friends & dates. Please & thank you. LDR’s are usually doomed from the start. It’s like being pecked to death by chickens. So not big on them unless you can afford to travel to date … Continue reading →

Posted in sadness, gender-identity, RELATIONSHIPS, EMOTIONS, honesty, lesbians, personal ads, harsh realities, women, gender-confusion, Internet Dating, ISO (In Search Of), SEXUALITY, angst, socializing, Social Psychology, loneliness, Book Excerpt, PHILOSOPHY, desperation, BOOKS, HUMOR, Sociology, PSYCHOLOGY, midlife crisis, dating, Valentine's Day, disillusionment, anxiety, life, nonfiction, Social anxiety, lipstick lesbians, sex, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS | Tagged femepicene, chapstick lesbians, craigslist | 6 Replies

Mid-Life Crisis, Much?

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on October 9, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~Dylan Thomas If aging is hard for the average person, imagine how hard it is for someone who has no current social circle, no family, no children, who works at home, is an HSP, an atheist, and a single lesbian. The greatest of these challenges is, for me, being without a partner. I am not suited to singlehood. I hate everything about it. I need someone to cook dinner for when she comes home … Continue reading →

Posted in death, depression, PHILOSOPHY, angst, life, reality, loneliness, self-awareness, RELATIONSHIPS, ATHEISM, desperation, crisis, problem-solving, PSYCHOLOGY, midlife crisis, experience, Sociology, HEALTH, anxiety, lesbians, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, change, despair, Human Nature, EMOTIONS, disillusionment, Depressive Realism, truth, sadness, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), meaning, mortality, frustration, SEXUALITY, fear, harsh realities, Aging, Social Psychology, romance | Tagged maturity, getting old | 2 Replies

EXTENDED STRESS Hotel.

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on April 2, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliDecember 5, 2011

My Cherryot was loaded to capacity, with the things I thought I’d need for two months, until an apartment became available.   At Extended Stay, I checked in with desk clerk–started to unload, and had to take several things up first (5 trips in elevator) before I noticed that there was a luggage cart in front with a tattooed guy leaning on it talking to another guy. “Oh a luggage cart!” I said. “I need that.” He said he only had a couple of things and rushed off to get his task done so I could have it. Meantime, I … Continue reading →

Posted in depression, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), disillusionment, moving, stress, sensitivity, anger, Colorado, rudeness, panic, betrayal, Cherryot, RELATIONSHIPS, Xanax, Biscuit, fatigue, sadness, domestic violence, conflict, disability, money, anxiety, Driving, iPhone, harsh realities, apartment, fear, cats, bad customer service, Monkey, desperation, conversations, frustration, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, annoying people, crisis | Tagged fire alarm, Arby's, luggage, hotel, hysteria, packing | Leave a reply

Vamoosing

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on March 29, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 11, 2013

Suspended my Netflix account. Still packing, desperately needing boxes. Downstairs, I pulled up everything in that storage room, which was the contents brought so far from storage when I actually thought I was going to be living here permanently, and her mother had finally moved, so I could do that. But only after we had ripped up the carpet down there and cleaned the unbelievable nastiness her mother lived in. bleach fumes, up and down stairs, aching body. I realized I would have to leave some things behind because it wouldn’t fit in my car or in storage, and I … Continue reading →

Posted in experience, injury, HEALTH, anxiety, frustration, money, courage, lesbians, PEEVES, change, strength, depression, DOMESTICA, coping skills, Human Nature, Facebook, lies, aggravation, harsh realities, LAW, Driving, Relocation, disillusionment, life, mental illness, court, fear, U-Haul, abuse, PHILOSOPHY, RELATIONSHIPS, crisis, arrest, friendship, TRAVEL, anger, Sociology, fatigue, moving, angst, storage, betrayal, cats, pain, Colorado, chaos, domestic partnership, sadness, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, conflict, singlehood, disability, EMOTIONS, problem-solving, herniated disc, desperation, domestic violence, police, CURRENT AFFAIRS, exes, liars, PSYCHOLOGY, stairs, sacrifice | Tagged Netflix, packing, victim, probation, loss, credit, breakups, cowardice, hotel | Leave a reply

Fat Chance: Lament of a Transplanted Single

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 24, 2010 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Before moving here, I never had to worry about what my friends thought of me. They knew me. Sometimes for 10 or 20 years–a few of them longer than that. And I was in relationships usually. Serial monogamist. So I didn’t have to worry about the impression I made, or if I was going to get laid anytime soon, or whether there was someone to confide in, play with…now, it’s all new. New State, new city, new people, and SINGLE, though not NEWLY SINGLE. Aside from a five month relationship, I’ve been single for what? 4 or 5 years? Add … Continue reading →

Posted in angst, Relocation, loneliness, awkwardness, fat, desperation, singlehood, dating, change, stress, Attraction, life, disillusionment, midlife crisis, sex, sadness, anxiety, lesbians, disability, SEXUALITY, women, harsh realities, chemistry, Internet Dating, moving, frustration, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, love, socializing, Aging, EMOTIONS | Tagged diet, fat chance, Army | Leave a reply

Whining Pariah

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on October 20, 2008 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 10, 2013

Colorado…….I’m sure there are kindreds out there (I do have a fabulous best friend, 2 hrs away, but i mean OTHERS). I am so anxious to meet all the people in the social groups I’ve joined online already. The degree to which I want this move is palpable; I can think of little else, and my level of stress reflects my fear that it might be delayed, or–unimaginably–not possible at all. Here, where I am, I always feel like a stranger in a strange land. I feel like the pariah. (Don’t forget, this is the Bible-Belt). I feel like most … Continue reading →

Posted in identity, Social anxiety, Depressive Realism, frustration, sadness, SEXUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS, harsh realities, risk, lesbians, moving, RELIGION, Internet Dating, Colorado, Sociology, angst, pariah, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, loneliness, Relocation, EMOTIONS, desperation, singlehood, boredom, PSYCHOLOGY, midlife crisis, GEOGRAPHY, disillusionment, anxiety, society | Leave a reply

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I was feeling hopeless, and was searching for a quote of mine about hope, and the message i got back was "Hope not found." figures.

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"People feel removed from sexism. 'I'm not a sexist, but I'm not a feminist.' They think there's this fuzzy middle ground. There's no fuzzy middle ground. You either believe that women are people or you don't. It's that simple." (Joss Whedon)

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ineffablein-EF-uh-buhl adjective: Incapable of being expressed in words; unspeakable; unutterable; indescribable.

Favorite Quotes

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole. ~author unknown

My Sites

  • Autodidact University
  • Emoticons – Smileys (smilies) bananas & more
  • Jae on Facebook
  • Kelli Jae Baeli on Twitter
  • KJB Facebook Author page
  • Liberal Female Prepsteaders
  • My Happy Place

Blogs I Fancy

  • Anatomy Notes
  • Being Human
  • Confessions of an Author
  • Fiction Bitch
  • HSP Notes
  • Hyperbole and a Half
  • Reading Writing No Arithmetic
  • Science Blog
  • Splendid Elles
  • Terrible Minds
  • The Naked Soul
  • Twisted Physics
  • Word Salad
  • Written Word Media

Articles I Appreciate

  • Becoming Obama
  • Lost Robert Louis Stevenson Essay Published
  • Neil deGrasse Tyson Lists 8 (Free) Books Every Intelligent Person Should Read
  • Real Reason Authors Don't Talk About Money: My Amazon bestseller made me nothing
  • The Art of Reading on a Screen: Why You Won't Probably Won't Read This Article Properly
  • The Case for Obama: Why He Is a Great President. Yes, Great.
  • The Truth about Splenda
  • Underwater space station

Sites I Savor

  • A SOFT MURMUR
  • Ars technica
  • Atlas Obscura
  • Backwoods Home Magazine
  • BBC Future
  • BBC-Science & Nature
  • Big Think
  • Brain Builder
  • Cracked
  • Enchanted Mind
  • Futurism
  • Gizmodo
  • http://lifehacker.com/
  • imgur
  • Instuctables
  • JWManus-Custom Book Production for Indie Authors
  • Last FM
  • Literary Hub
  • LiveScience
  • Mental Floss
  • Mercola
  • Mix
  • Mother Nature Network
  • MSNBC
  • National Geographic
  • NPR Science
  • Pacific Standard
  • Philosophy Forums
  • Poe's Eureka
  • Rachel Maddow
  • Science Daily
  • Scientific American
  • Sharp Brains
  • Slashdot- News for Nerds
  • Slate Magazine
  • Smithsonian
  • The Guardian-Science
  • The Highly Sensitive Person
  • The Oatmeal
  • The Onion
  • The Secular Web
  • The Straight Dope
  • The Toast
  • The Verge
  • Today I Found Out
  • Vox
  • Wait But Why
  • Washington Post
  • xkcd

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