Category Archives: HUMOR

This-Close:
another bitch of a ditch

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Change is good, they said. I believe that’s true, most days. Especially since I feel I’ve been in a bitch of a ditch for the last 7 years. Well, not the same ditch. Different ditches. But ditches, just the same. Trenches, maybe. Foxholes. Caves? Anyway, I was ready for those changes we were finally able to make. My wife was about to get a small inheritance. Just enough to get us where we needed to go, if we were lucky. But the inheritance was delayed by various machinations, a few of them due to some abject assholery perpetrated by other … Continue reading →

New Release: Circling Uranus

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

5.0 out of 5 starsBrilliant!!!!!! ByThe old one!on August 30, 2017 Kuddos to Ms. Baeli! This story is fantastic. Talk about covering some ground (or space) in a short book—this is a prime example of brilliant writing. Science Fic—yes. Les/fic—somewhat. Adventure—yes. Homesteading–yes. Perseverance—-yes. Bravery—yes. Humor—yes. I liked Story but it was Shrtz that really grabbed me—-and can she ever “grab”! I enjoyed he references to “Clan of the Cave Bear” because it is one of my all time favorite series. I also thought the POTUS anagram was exceptionally well done. If you have any trepidation about reading this—-just go for … Continue reading →

In the Context of Spiders:
responses matter

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

I was still working on the book, as I have been all day and evening, and Melissa came in for hugs, and then i sat back down in my chair, discussing what she’d probably have to do with this book while I’m recuperating after surgery. Lots of edits on the horizon, and such. About that time, I felt something crawling on my side, up under my shirt. I’d been slapping bugs off me all day today. Since I can rarely see past the swell of my bodacious tah-tahs, I lifted my shirt and Melissa laid eyes on the thing, and shouted with … Continue reading →

Fear, Wisdom & Demons

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Had my appointment with the surgeon this morning. Per his advice, decided on the Total Abdominal Hysterectomy, Bilateral Salpingo Oophoractomy and Indicated Procedures. (Seriously, that’s what it’s called. Removal of uterus, cervix, ovaries, and tubes.) The main consideration, and why I’m not doing laparoscopic procedure, is because if there is any hidden malignancy, and they do the (pardon the candor) mincing up of those organs for extraction, it could infect other organs He actually shared a story about another patient that got cancer that way. And died. Point taken. I’m sure that was his way of convincing me what the … Continue reading →

What

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

There’s a meme that is one of my favorites. “90% of being married is just shouting “what” from other rooms.” First time I saw it, I was laughing, and I said to my wife, Melissa, “Did you see this? Melissa yelled, “What?” from the other room. NO LIE.  

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Inflatable Travel Companion

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Most of my adult life, I’ve wanted a full-sized female mannequin posted in my foyer. Not just for comedic value. For practicality. I’m very utilitarian. I figured I could use her to hold the stuff I need by the door. She could wear my hat, hold my keys, my bag, my jacket– either wearing it or draped over one stiff arm. Or I imagined I could just put her in the house somewhere and dress her up in different outfits. Since my wife and I are always talking about our future life on the road in a travel trailer, throwing … Continue reading →

Spider-Cabal

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

So last night, we got in bed and were reading, trying to relax after our incident with smacking into a deer on the way home. While ironically reading about prepping for various disasters and emergency situations, I felt a little tickle near my ribs. My first thought was that it might be a member of the arachnid species, but my mind immediately soothed, It could just be a wayward hair, or a cat’s tail, or Noodle’s whiskers. With impressive constraint, I pointed beside me. “Baby, is there something in the bed right here?” Melissa looked down and simultaneously shot out … Continue reading →

Teeny Weenie Man (Free Download)

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Thanks for visiting. My short story, Teeny Weenie Man can be downloaded for free directly from Kindle Unlimited, or below, you will find the links to download it from here in the format of your choice. Or you can own it for 99cents on Amazon (they won’t let me list it for free, there). Enjoy!   DOWNLOAD LINKS epub mobi xhtml (view in browser)

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Adventures in Indie Publishing, Incident #227:

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Amazon informed me that they pulled my book, Rain Falls, off sale, because they were getting too many complaints from readers about a chunk of missing text in the digital version. I realized immediately what was happening, and I rolled my eyes so hard, I could see my brain. My apparently way-too-clever brain. I made adjustments in the file to accommodate this, and added this note to readers in the front:   SPECIAL NOTE TO READERS Recently, Amazon pulled this book down, because too many readers were complaining about missing text. Apparently, those readers did not understand that the missing … Continue reading →

Charcoal Thursday Sale

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

I had stretched my budget to the limit at the end of this month, and wasn’t sure when my check would go in, but assumed I’d be spending Thanksgiving eating an avocado pocket sandwich, rather than something with turkey in it, to at least commemorate the holiday. But then, my check went in early, and I thought. “Hey, I should go buy some kind of turkey dinner now.” Well. It was a holiday, and I knew many things would be closed. I just hoped at least one of the grocery stores would be open. So I got in my van … Continue reading →

Win8, Lose2

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Since I sleep most of the day and stay up all night in order to be on my baby’s schedule so we can visit during the day via Facebook text messaging or Skype video, I have gotten into the habit of wearing a sleep mask to block out light- in an effort to trick my brain into thinking its night time. My circadian rhythm has never been able to dance anyway. In fact it can’t even tap its foot. But I remember years ago seeing women on TV who slept in sleep masks and I thought I could never do … Continue reading →

Oh Victory in Earworms (A Melodious Malady)

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Kelli Jae Baeli #IronyoftheDay I’m an atheist, & yet I woke up with a HYMN stuck in my head. I’d pray to God to make it stop, but then, well. You know. Pasted from <https://www.facebook.com/jaebaeli> Yeah, that was my status update this morning. It’s bad enough, when you just get a regular song stuck in your head, but for an ATHEIST to get a HYMN lodged up in that looping track? Not just the insipid sycophantic melody those tunes always have, but the actual content of the lyrics, the sentiments inherent in hymnal/gospel music, et al; it’s sandpaper against every … Continue reading →

Belated & Premature Well-Wishing

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

  This morning, I woke–still groggy from my trip to Ellaville–and had to fend off a Kissy-Monster. It was terrible. I can’t really talk about it. But my beloved had put a card and a little velvet pouch on the pillow next to me. A little gold bracelet and a sweet card. Valentine’s day is not a big deal here…yet, she had not ignored it…she is sneaky that way.  I had decided to ignore the event, so it wouldn’t make her feel guilty for not acknowledging it. Now I’m the one who feels guilty that I didn’t go ahead and … Continue reading →