Category Archives: parenting

Bloody Hands Every novelist should sit down at the keyboard with blood on their hands.

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Every novelist should sit down at the keyboard with blood on their hands. To know what it feels like to have been wronged and to have wronged. To be guilty and innocent. A novelist must have truly lived her life–sucked the marrow, tended the wounds, lashed out in fear and anger, in order to write a story that speaks authentically at deeper levels; that explores human nature and the human condition in all its beauty and ugliness. A novelist must have experienced life–that visceral knowledge that comes only from having felt the range of emotions, discovered the myriad permutations of … Continue reading →

Mother-Guilt Archetype & Family Obligations

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Most of us are familiar with the Mother Archetypes in our society–one of which is the passive-aggressive mother who tries to make you feel guilty for living your own life because it doesn’t coincide with what she wants or needs. As exemplified by messages like “I had to go to the doctor yesterday…in case you care…” A friend of mine is dealing with this sort of mother, who has a long track record of showing little or no concern for her daughter’s happiness, nor at all appreciative of her daughter’s wonderful qualities. Her only contribution to the mother-daughter relationship is … Continue reading →

Ship That Passed Too Swiftly

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I was talking with my friend Em (who is also one of my exes), and I was caught by an unexpected melancholy while she spoke of her daughter. Whenever she talks about her child, she becomes noticeably more vibrant, joyful, and enthusiastic. As she spoke of those little moments you can only share with a child, the tears began to stream down my face. I know it was about my absentee family, the death of my father, the way I was erased from their lives, even in the case of my father’s death…and I know it was about the overweening … Continue reading →

Footie Pajamas in the Street

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I just came back from my daily walk, and had one of those rare visceral experiences that remind me why I look at most parents these days with disgust. Across the street ahead, i saw a little yellow flash and then saw that it was a child. She was wearing yellow footie pajamas and had blond hair and a dirty face. Cute as could be. Not more than two years old.But then I noticed she was out on the sidewalk by herself. And then i noticed she was walking into the street. Alone. And then i turned and saw the … Continue reading →

Parenting: Yeah, Uh-Huh

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It is more excusable to me that bad parenting existed a generation ago. Back then, there was no internet, no Dr. Spock or Wayne Dyer, no mountain of research from all corners of academia. The only touchstone parents had to go by was the example set by their own parents, and so on, back to the beginnings of child-rearing. Hopefully, we learn from the mistakes of our parents, but I suppose this doesn’t happen, if you’re never aware that mistakes were made. These days, though, there is simply no excuse for bad parenting. Too much information is available to anyone … Continue reading →