Okay, i know everyone has those times when they feel that the Universe is out of alignment and things are just not gellin’ like a melon, but it still causes me great consternation. I am trying to frame it differently in my head… A series of things have led to my generalized condition of CRANKY-PANTS….
1) I discovered that after 6 months of trying to make a relationship work, it was doomed from the start, and then after moving on to friendship, had to endure a personal attack, (see “et tu brute” on this blog) and
2) Then I discovered that this person had truly misrepresented herself to the nth degree, which made me feel chumped (see “The Truth is Ever Clear” on this blog), yet i must take the blame, since i had plenty of red flags and plenty of gut-instinct that i chose to ignore, and
3) I keep planning and arranging things that continue to disintegrate, and
4) my cell phone service got turned off prematurely, before i could get my new service with another company, and
5) my domain expired, because when i moved, i forgot to notify the registrar of my email address, and so didn’t receive the renewal, and now have to wait for them to answer my urgent mail to renew and update my information, which then caused
6) my myspace background to disappear and be replaced by a default one, because my server is inaccessible at the moment, and also,
7) my mp3 player on myspace is not operational, because the song files are also stored on my server, and,
8) no one can reach me via my main email, because it, too, is attached to my domain, which is down.
All these things, like dominoes, have fallen down in front of me, and rendered me cranky-panted.
In chaos theory, we learn that initial conditions are sensitive; one minor aberration, one minuscule change in those conditions, and we can have a plethora of alternative trajectories… meaning, things can feel and seem chaotic for a time, while there are infinite possibilities for outcome being created. So when things seem out of balance or even confusing and chaotic, there is an underlying order to be found beneath the surface. An overly simplified version of this idea is “things aren’t always what they seem.” This is true as well, of humans, and their behavior–both positive and negative.
So i am left with this monologue in my head, endeavoring to apply a more agreeable explanation, so that i don’t remain cranky-panted.