Dreams, Nicole Kidman, & The Path Not Taken
I actually remembered a dream his morning, First time in, what? A year? Two? A long time. Anyway, I dreamed that LS and I were in Eureka Springs, and she was at the corner of my desk, using my phone, and that corner of space, like she tends to do. . . and she was trying to get hold of Nicole Kidman, who was in town. It was like an assignment-as if she was working for a local paper or something. She wanted to interview her. She had the number to her hotel room. I said, “You can’t just call her up-she probably doesn’t even answer her own phone.”
“I’m sure she has ‘people’ who do that for her.”
Never mind, she was determined that she was just gonna ring up Nicole Kidman. And damned if she didn’t. I sat there in disbelief, listening to her interview her, jotting notes on a folder and scrap paper on my desk-which irritated me. Wasn’t it important enough for her to bring her own paper? And why was she using my desk anyway?
It felt competitive. And I immediately swore that I would not only interview Tom Cruise, but in person, at a coffeehouse downtown. I remember being all excited that I could be in a town where celebrities walked around just like everyone else, and I could sit and get “Sightings” pictures to put on my website, and do reviews of businesses and take lots of photos. . . all for my website. It was exciting and fun to me. . . but back to Tom Cruise. There really was a sense of competition there. Like, we had broken up and were living in separate residences, but here she was again, in my office–my SACRED SPACE-(looks a little like “Scared space. . .or scarred space. . . mmmm. . . interesting Freudian possibilities there. . . )
But she was monopolizing my peace, my time, and then doing something impossible, which always makes me mad–that she has this magic way of making things happen.
I know part of this dream came from my research about Eureka Springs, and looking at some board postings where people said celebrities visit there a lot. They don’t like to mention names, but gave initials, and one was TC– I thought Tom Cruise, and then later a poster verified this (among others) so I was thinking about how cool it would be to be in this little café by the street, people- watching, taking notes, writing. . . and seeing someone like Tom Cruise or whomever walk by. I thought about how cool it would be if someone like that would just sit down at my table, and we’d have a relaxed, normal conversation, laugh it up and then move on with our day. . .
I have never met anyone famous. Well, let’s see. . . Linda Ellerbee. . . Sara Hickman. . . Nanci Griffith–I guess that’s the extent of it. But LS has met all these loads of famous people. Hell, she HUNG OUT with some of them. Like Ellen Degeneres. Ellen even called her at her mom’s house several times. And LS was invited yearly to a party at the home of Anne Rice, where all kinds of famous people mingled. And there was meeting the members of Heart. . .and it seems there are many more she told me about…
So, am I jealous? You betcha. Somehow my life path never led down the walk of Fame, or even on the adjacent street. And does it matter? No, not in the grand scheme of things. It really only matters that I have made some sort of mark on the world, other than of the SKID variety. I’m not star-crossed, or obsessed with famous people. I just think it would be cool to meet them. And having met all kinds of people, including famous ones, would mean I had LIVED; that I had been to places and crossed paths with all kinds. I feel so inexperienced. And that makes me feel ashamed, at my age.
Back to my nocturnal movies…at some point, I dreamed also that I knew what Jenfu looked like (the writer who posts a journal online, with whose writing I am completely infatuated). She looked like Kristen Hall (the singer) except thin. Mmmm. Is this me, imagining? Visualizing? Doing that thing I can’t seem to EVER do?
So what does this mean, this event of events-this DREAM REMEMBERED? Is my brain doing better? Is it coincidental that it comes on the heels of a relationship change and a decision for LS and I to move either-to-Eureka Springs-or-Little-Rock- and-that’s-final? I really do hope LS is able to find what she’s looking for or missing in her life. I’d hate to think she’d end up in the French Quarter, half a nation away (well, not really, but it feels so). I really do want her in my life. I really do cherish our friendship. Obviously, she needs mental stimulation of the social variety frequently, and is “bored to tears” by me and my geekiness; and I am much too idiosyncratic to cohabitate with anyone. . . unless they demand nothing, are bothered by nothing and stay gone at least half the time.
May as well live alone for crappin’ out loud.
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