In my past i was always fucked up.
And I always had a girlfriend.
Now that I’ve done the big work to become the kind of person I think every human should ultimately aspire to (based on my tireless studies of reputable sources, including the great philosophers), along with relentless self-examination and continual attention to the details of character and ethics and how they do and should operate in me, now that I’ve done all that….I can’t get a girlfriend to save my life.
It suggests that if i was fucked up again, I’d have better luck. I always had a relationship the whole time i was struggling. Apparently, people don’t want someone who’s got it together. They want someone who’s damaged. Maybe because they are damaged and they know how to handle that. That’s an occasion they can rise to.
So either I’m going to be the best I can be, and be alone, or I’m going to allow myself to slip into that wildly popular persona of low integrity and ethics, so that i can finally have someone who loves me and wants to make a life with me. That alone, is FUBAR. Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.
The truth is still the truth, even if it makes no sense to me.