In response to a recent blog, (Ditto) a friend of mine mentioned that maybe the person I wrote about would not ever try to communicate with me about the situation, for fear it might end up in another blog. But I only write about people that way if they have been moved to the negative column, so her argument dissolves at the start. Had this person accepted the many opportunities to communicate with me, the blog would not have been written. She chose not to.
As I said in that blog:
“There’s an upside to this vocation that offers some solace that others might not have. Frequently, when we are hurt, we have no where to put those feelings, no way to get it out of our systems….witness the lock-and-load folks who suddenly snap and shoot up a McDonald’s. While I understand HOW that can happen with certain psyches, I am not one of those people who tick…but this does not mean I don’t get angry, disillusioned, and have a quick pity party every so often. I’m human, and I embrace my human condition. But I have no wish to wallow in that type of mud. So, when someone really pisses me off, I write about them. They might appear in one of my novels, where I can reveal their ugly underpinnings…or I might simply write a blog like this one. This is a type of revenge, however paltry. And it makes me feel better.”
I only write blogs like that about people who have in some way treated me with blatant disrespect, deceived me deliberately, or caused me injury, and did not soon thereafter re-open discussion about it, or backtrack and apologize. I can accept a sincere apology when someone takes responsibility for themselves and their actions. I’ve said and done things which, upon thoughtful consideration, I regretted. When this is realized, I immediately contact the person I might have wronged and offer an explanation and an apology. So there’s that.
And there’s this: Before I bury any bones, I examine them first, so that maybe there will be one less funeral next time. There is valuable information to be had in the marrow.
I was also told that this person I wrote the blog about contacted a friend of mine and said she and I “had a misunderstanding” and she “didn’t know how to undo it” but that she “really wanted to be part of the Hen Party.”
Let me get this straight. The person who mistreated me did not call, text, or email to offer her apology or open a dialogue, but she contacts a friend of mine, dismisses the issue and then announces she wants to be involved IN MY SOCIAL GATHERING. Not, “I think there was a misunderstanding and I feel awful about it…and as her friend, I was hoping you could give me some insight, so I can talk to her…” or anything of the sort. Just that she wanted to be involved in MY social gathering. How did she think that was going to go down with me sitting at the same table with her? Am I the only one with the stones to say, “Excuse me, there’s an elephant in the room.” And how much more does this make her appear every bit a COWARD?
So, I don’t feel guilty for posting a detailed blog about the experience. I did not give her name, nor post her picture; and what about the odds against anyone reading it who would know her? There are millions of blogs. According to Technorati, there are 50 MILLION of them, and that number doubles every six months*. The truth is, the discomfort of seeing a blog by me, about her, comes from being exposed to HERSELF, not from the fear someone else might see it.
So, when I am treated rudely on THE FIRST DATE, I can’t for a second believe that any others will be better. Ostensibly, we are on our best behavior on a first date. I admitted that I was not quite myself on the date, as I was exhausted, and afflicted with several other conditions, physiologically. These combined, rendered me less than 100%, which I explained as well as I could to her and apologized for. But at no time was I rude to her. What was her excuse? If this was her best, I don’t want to know how much worse it would have been. She offered no apology, no discussion, and no open dialogue about her behavior, and this was subsequently compounded by various acts of selfishness and cowardice. Those people go into my negative column, and become another bug under a glass for me. At that juncture, they are a specimen which I will examine closely, and record my thoughts about, so that I might learn to recognize that species next time, and avoid engaging it. I intend to get something out of each unpleasant experience, even if it’s just information about human nature. If someone is behaving badly, I don’t see how they can call me out for being INCONSIDERATE by shining light on that behavior. Maybe if more people thought that the way they treated other people, or the way they behaved in general, might be scrutinized and published, they’d correct that behavior. If you don’t want to be called into responsibility for your abhorrent behavior, don’t behave abhorrently. Call it negative reinforcement.
On the left hand side of this blog, under my photo, I said “Wear a helmet” didn’t I?