I had a long conversation with an old friend recently, and we were discussing the many women whom we’d both known over the years, who seemed to respond negatively to being treated well. This has happened to my friend more than it has to me, but the pervasive pattern is that when they are treated with care and respect and love, they begin to push against it, and in extreme cases, even begin to mirror/ reflect/project their own damage onto that person who is treating them well.
We began to examine this, and it occurred to me that almost every one of them (if not all) shared one common denominator: they were all abused, neglected or molested as children. My suspicion is that they never healed this wound sufficiently for them to welcome good treatment; and on some level they don’t believe they deserve it, as this was drummed into their heads through the actions of neglect/ abuse/molestation, and this so profoundly affected their own self-worth, that they are incapable of allowing anyone to treat them otherwise. They freak out and will do anything–even create drama–just to be free of that unfamiliar RESPECT toward themselves, or from others.
I believe that until lesbians (or any woman) makes self-respect and worthiness part of their CORE, rather than just a surface idea they “WISH” was true, they will always have stormy, short-term relationships, and those who aren’t shackled by this pattern will always have to deal with it in their romantic lives as well, because that’s what’s in the dating pool. The dating pool, as i have said before, that needs chlorine.