1. Matthew Lesko was gravely injured when the question mark from a “Got Milk?” sign fell and beaned him on the head.

2. Pat Robertson finally struck by lightning.

3. Bush & Cheney on the run as Federal Marshalls try to serve them with an arrest warrant for War Crimes, High Treason, and various other crimes against humanity. Officer in charge of the manhunt says, “We’re gonna stay the course, smoke ’em out, and get ’em runnin’.”

4. Jerry Falwell’s daughter appears on Penn & Teller’s Bullshit, and confesses she is a proud lesbian atheist. She credits her father for her conversion.

5. Monica Lewinsky caught “servicing” McCain.

6. Kelli Jae Baeli receives hefty advance and publishing contract from Random House.