[This is another writing exercise between me and another writer. We each come up with a subject and both blog it, and don’t see each other’s version until after we’ve posted. It was my turn, and I suggested three unrelated nouns, made to relate in one piece. I chose pickles, chills and snakes.]

FADE IN

INT. HOUSE – DAY

Two people are standing in front of a fireplace, warming their hands. We’ll call them MELANIE and BARBARA. They have been reading Dr. Seuss books all evening and are now taking a break.

BARBARA reaches over and swipes her hand across MELANIE‘s shoulder blades.

 

MELANIE
What are you doing?

BARBARA
I’m getting the chill off your back.
(she stomps on it)

MELANIE
Why did you stomp on it?

BARBARA
Had to kill it.

MELANIE
Don’t kill chills!

BARBARA
Why not?

MELANIE
We can them

BARBARA
Can you can a chill?

MELANIE
Not if you stomp it. Only If you kill it.

BARBARA
How do you kill a chill?

MELANIE
With dill.

BARBARA
You can kill a chill with dill?

MELANIE
At will.

BARBARA
How do you can them?

MELANIE
When they’re not looking.

BARBARA
No, I mean, how do you go about catching them?

MELANIE
Catching a chill? Or canning them? Which is it?

BARBARA
Well first, how do you catch them?

MELANIE
You fan them with a pan.

BARBARA
That kills chills?

MELANIE
Yes.

BARBARA
And then what?

MELANIE
Then you pick them up.

BARBARA
They’re awfully cold. What do you pick them up with?

MELANIE
A feather quill

BARBARA
You fan them with a pan, and then pick them up with a feather quill?

MELANIE
That’s correct.

BARBARA
Then what?

MELANIE
You can them, then, silly.

BARBARA
But how do you can them?

MELANIE
Pack them in snow snakes.

BARBARA
Where do you get snow snakes?

MELANIE
In the snow.

BARBARA
What if it’s not snowing?

MELANIE
Then you pack them in Summer snakes.

BARBARA
What if there aren’t any snow snakes or summer snakes.

MELANIE
Well you can use Spring snakes.

BARBARA
What if there are not Spring snakes either?

MELANIE
Well then, you would be out of seasons, and since it’s always a season, there would be some sort of season snake available. And they are still covered in dill, of course.

BARBARA
Yes, I see. Seasoning is very important.

MELANIE
Yes it is.

BARBARA
Now then, what do the seasoning snakes do to the chills with dill?

MELANIE
It pickles them.

BARBARA

Are they good?

MELANIE
Oh there’s nothing quite like pickled chills.

BARBARA
Is that right?

MELANIE
Unless you’re fickle.

BARBARA
I don’t believe I’m fickle. I should like to try the pickled chills.

MELANIE
We’ll have to let the fire go out for a bit.

BARBARA
Very good. I’ll go out and fetch some snow snakes.

MELANIE
(heading for the kitchen)
I’ll get the dill.