It’s been a stressful week. I’ve been feeling bad for a while, now. On top of this bronchitis that has been hanging on for 3 months, and all the menopause stuff, a visit to the dentist and a scheduling of another dentist in Springfield (who uses gas, which is the only thing I’ve had a reasonably okay experience with) to have a tooth pulled and some cavities filled, and finally getting my allergy shots started, I’m NOW waiting on lab results for a uterine biopsy. Expect to know results of that and the ultrasounds on Wednesday. That part is huge and scary.
All indications after the exams are, however, that I have fibroids causing me quite a lot of trouble, but of course it’s wise to be safe and have the recommended tests. Going to GYN for me is a lot like being violated/molested, especially when it has to be a male GYN. I tend to avoid it unless something serious seems to be going on. I felt it was more important to get the quickest appointment.
Gory details aside, one of my biggest fears has always been having surgery, and it appears as though that’s going to happen, regardless, and probably not the easy-peasy laparoscopic version, but the full-fledged abdominal hysterectomy. MAJOR SURGERY. I’m trying really hard not to “pre-feel” all the stages of stuff on the horizon, but just focus on right now. That’s hard enough all by itself. First, these test results, then the plan for what will be done, which i believe at my age, needs to be a full hysterectomy so i won’t have to worry about future issues. Then the waiting for the surgery. Then the surgery itself (I’ve never had surgery, never been under anesthetic. Never been in the hospital.) Then the worries about post-op–not the pain or the recovery time, but the complications. IF something wasn’t done properly, or something unexpected happens. SCARY SCARY SCARY.
Knowledge is always power to me, so I spent about 4 hours at HysterSisters.com last night (didn’t get to sleep until 5am today). Good information there, with many others who have dealt with all this. It helped to have more information from sources who had real experience with it. Helps ease the panic a bit, but it wouldn’t take much through this whole thing for me to have a melt-down. I’m really not good with the unknown, or trust–putting my life in the hands of strangers, facing one of my top three fears, the inevitable delays in our plans, etc. I’m trying to be brave. Melissa is being wonderfully supportive.
— feeling overwhelmed.