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Kelli Jae Baeli

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      • Also Known as Armchair Detective (AKA 1)
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Tag Archives: stories

Teeny Weenie Man

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on June 16, 2018 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 17, 2022

“combines elements of science, laugh out loud humor, alien contact with Earthians, and pull-at-your-heartstrings type moments.”   When Molly Peek discovers an extremely odd hot dog during the course of her working day, she has no idea that her knowledge of life, evolution, and whether Earthlings are alone in the universe will be greatly enhanced. For such a small guy, the Teeny Weenie Man sure knows how to make an impact. It was a good day to have all your ideas about the universe and your place in it shot to pieces. You know – bright, reasonably fine, the sun … Continue reading →

Tristoon the Incorrigible

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on August 7, 2017 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 17, 2022

After Beowulf, and before Xena, there was Tristoon… (a spoof) “….Then she had made her way back to the Redwood, ushering out the dwarf-people who had taken time out from their incessant cookie-baking to try on her clothes.” From Note to the Reader Hello, Reader, glad to see you reading. Especially something of mine. I hope you’ll do that again with—oh, ALL my work. For now, a few things about Tristoon: It was written in 1984 after I took a British Literature course. I loved the Beowulf story, but found that I kept laughing, because I would see all these … Continue reading →

Venetian Blinds

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on August 4, 2017 by Kelli Jae BaeliAugust 6, 2017

A collection of short fiction by bestselling, genre-hopping indie author, Kelli Jae Baeli, which are, as the author says in her Before Words, “some funny, some strange, some serious, and some even flirt with the Dark Side (where, social media tells me, they have cookies).” She adds, “Populating these stories are an unusual alien; a ghost, Captain Kirk; Beowulf’s spoofy illegitimate warrior-daughter, a violence victim; a stiff, oblivious couple; an estranged daughter; a vengeful girl, a confused young woman; murderous offspring; a frustrated female rookie cop…” None have a common thread or common genre, but all are snippets of the … Continue reading →

Posted in fiction, short stories, anthologies, Kelli Jae Baeli, Venetian Blinds | Tagged humor, anthology, stories, fiction | Leave a reply

Becoming a Statistic

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on April 7, 2016 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 17, 2022

This is a short memoir piece, but written in short story form. (click cover for pdf) Becoming a Statistic Alone on a dark road, I learned something about myself I didn’t really want to know. By the time I realized the danger, it was too late. I was the proverbial sitting duck. It must have seemed the perfect crime to them; A deserted road, a stranded young woman, and the cover of darkness to top it all off.

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The Ghost & Captain Kirk

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on April 7, 2016 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 17, 2022

The Ghost & Captain Kirk In this speculative, whimsical story, a lonely writer has a chance encounter with an entity and a celebrity.

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Venetian Blinds

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on December 14, 2015 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 17, 2022

A collection of short fiction by bestselling, genre-hopping indie author, Kelli Jae Baeli, which are, as the author says in her Before Words, “some funny, some strange, some serious, and some even flirt with the Dark Side (where, social media tells me, they have cookies).” She adds, “Populating these stories are an unusual alien; a ghost, Captain Kirk; Beowulf’s spoofy illegitimate warrior-daughter, a violence victim; a stiff, oblivious couple; an estranged daughter; a vengeful girl, a confused young woman; murderous offspring; a frustrated female rookie cop…” None have a common thread or common genre, but all are snippets of the … Continue reading →

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Teeny Weenie Man

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on September 5, 2014 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 17, 2022

A completely believable story. “Combines elements of science, laugh out loud humor, alien contact with Earthians, and pull-at-your-heartstrings type moments.” When Molly Peek discovers an extremely odd hotdog during the course of her working day, she has no idea that her knowledge of life, evolution, and whether Earthlings are alone in the universe will be greatly enhanced. For such a small guy, the Teeny Weenie Man sure knows how to make an impact. It was a good day to have all your ideas about the universe and your place in it shot to pieces. You know – bright, reasonably fine, … Continue reading →

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The Speed of Dark

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 20, 2014 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 17, 2022

        EXCERPT from Snatched I, Nola Randolph, do solemnly swear that the testimony I am about to give is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me…Sappho. Could be, she’d be uttering words to that effect soon, if things didn’t go according to plan. She couldn’t even enjoy the newspaper anymore. Even when she skipped the society pages, she still found some little tidbit about how Mr. Wallace Blank had done this or that, donated to some charity, or built some new building that brought untold benefits to humankind. He was often … Continue reading →

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Flash Fiction, Vol. 1

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 20, 2014 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 17, 2022

Kelli Jae Baeli     A collection of short fiction about right and wrong, greed, estrangement, a Chihuahua, what makes us real, bad customer service and rude patrons, a loveable mutt, a lesson learned, a talking newspaper, dealing with the unschooled, apparitions, the future as past, and accepting loss.   excerpt Jag <span style=’mso-fareast-language:EN-US’>Carl Hammond steered the Jaguar out of Beasley’s Fine Imports, his hands loose upon the wheel. No more white-knuckled driving for him. No more fears of a blowout on the interstate at sixty-five. No sir, by God, he’s crossed over into that Promised Land of financial security. … Continue reading →

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Brainmatter

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 20, 2014 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 17, 2022

  In this new collection of short works, titles like “A Backwoods Eatery With a Side of Velcro Papaw” and “Alien Tummy Tuck” are enough to pique the interest of any avid reader. And there are memorable lines sprinkled throughout, such as, “I will not be a contestant in a wet T-shirt contest until my breasts look more like breasts, and less like something I should tuck into my pants.” But then Baeli offers more, revealing her ability to be just as serious as she is funny, such as the story “The House of Escher” and the darker piece “Chickens … Continue reading →

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Anthologies

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 20, 2014 by Kelli Jae BaeliMay 12, 2018

     

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Stories

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 20, 2014 by Kelli Jae BaeliMay 12, 2018

Most of my stories can be found on Smashwords and Amazon for 99¢ or free. click the book cover Burn Her to the Ground After being estranged for 10 years, a lesbian woman tries to mend fences with a visit to her mother. She brings her New Zealand girlfriend along. True Blue Colors Rookie cop, Veronica Polk finds herself undercover, on a case that could make or break her fresh new career. Tristoon the Incorrigible A spoof starring Beowulf’s feisty illegitimate daughter. After Beowulf, and before Xena, there was Tristoon. (written long before Xena, I promise!). Chickens Come Home A … Continue reading →

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Writing Videos

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 23, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMay 3, 2018

On Writing, Part 2 On Writing, Part 3 The DNA of DNA, Part 1 of 2 The DNA of DNA, Part 2 of 2   Punkin’s Big Adventure (wherein I try to read my failed attempt at a children’s story, but get a case of Screaming Meemies) ©1994-2011 Kelli Jae Baeli All Content, All Rights Reserved. Any reproduction, sale, distribution or use of this work is prohibited without the expressed written consent of the author.

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Quotes from Kelli Jae Baeli

Time to stop entreating bad actors to do the right thing. We're well beyond that. The tool we have left is We The People and that implies--nay, DEMANDS--that we Vote Them All Out. That's it. That's all we have. Noncompliance means death for our way of life."

Politics Quotes

"People feel removed from sexism. 'I'm not a sexist, but I'm not a feminist.' They think there's this fuzzy middle ground. There's no fuzzy middle ground. You either believe that women are people or you don't. It's that simple." (Joss Whedon)

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“Not a wasted word. This has been a main point to my literary thinking all my life.” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Word of the Day

quondamKWAHN-duhm; KWAHN-dam , adjective: Having been formerly; former; sometime.

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"If your ever present plastic Jesus or your incessant need to display crosses or icons and your mindless mutterings and gestures of religious colloquialisms make you feel like you belong to something, I submit that you've missed far more than you'll ever recover through such meaningless fodder. If you can't break free from these vapid tidings and your fear of death and the unknown, you were probably indoctrinated into a culture of fear and mental abuse and you should look back into that cause rather than forward to that cause." ~Gregg Eyman

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Kelli Jae Baeli©BestsellingGenreHoppingIndieAuthorFollow

33 bestsellers/60 books. #LoveAnimals #Treehugger #Democrat #DisabledVeteran #Humanist #Feminist #LGBTQ #cannabis #NoMoreSnowflakes #BLM #MeToo #organic

Kelli Jae Baeli©BestsellingGenreHoppingIndieAuthor

KelliJaeBaeliKelli Jae Baeli©BestsellingGenreHoppingIndieAuthor@KelliJaeBaeli·

3h

Let me just add that no civilian should be able to purchase or own a weapon of war. So that's not what I'm referring to, here.

Kelli Jae Baeli©BestsellingGenreHoppingIndieAuthor@KelliJaeBaeli

I disagree with this trend of saying "It's the guns." A gun is an inanimate object with no will of its own. It's PEOPLE. Religion. Patriarchy. Greed. Ignorance. Entitled white men. No accountability. Mostly, it's 100 million non-voters, & those who elect enablers.

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Retweet on TwitterKelli Jae Baeli©BestsellingGenreHoppingIndieAuthor Retweeted
mmpadellanBrooklynDad_Defiant!☮️@mmpadellan·

6 Jul

TWEEPS: Please do me a huge favor: RT this and follow us at @ReallyAmerican1: we've got TONS in store for these midterm elections, you don't want to miss anything!

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KelliJaeBaeliKelli Jae Baeli©BestsellingGenreHoppingIndieAuthor@KelliJaeBaeli·

3h

#stupocrisy

PoppaBear@APoppaBear

Stu•poc•ri•sy
noun: stupocrisy; plural noun: stupocrisies

the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform while being stupid at the same time; pretense for idiots

"The stupocrisy of the GOP is mind-numbing"

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KelliJaeBaeliKelli Jae Baeli©BestsellingGenreHoppingIndieAuthor@KelliJaeBaeli·

3h

I disagree with this trend of saying "It's the guns." A gun is an inanimate object with no will of its own. It's PEOPLE. Religion. Patriarchy. Greed. Ignorance. Entitled white men. No accountability. Mostly, it's 100 million non-voters, & those who elect enablers.

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KelliJaeBaeliKelli Jae Baeli©BestsellingGenreHoppingIndieAuthor@KelliJaeBaeli·

9h

If I saw that, I'd BUY THEM WHAT THEY NEEDED. for those who can't afford that, look the other way.

Jack Monroe@BootstrapCook

Your regular reminder that if you see someone stealing baby formula, nappies, bread, milk, pasta, ready meals, you didn’t see a fucking thing mind your own business and thank god you’re not so desperate for your own or your babies survival that you’d risk a criminal charge for it

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