From an online forum; my responses.
Posted By: bearwoman1959 on 11/22/2006 7:28:58 PM
Subject: what is the deal with lesbians?
Message: The deal with lesbians is that they don’t like d..k !!! Plain and simple. I don’t get it, but to each his own
I am an author, and also a lesbian. I think you have mentioned something that is a major misconception, and warrants discussion. Lesbians aren’t lesbians simply because they don’t like d**k. Lesbians are lesbians because they are attracted to women…it’s about WHO it’s “attached to.” Myself and many of the lesbians i know do enjoy penetration– both giving and receiving–it’s about the person they are with, not the equipment.
The emotional connection that one woman can have with another woman, is part of the attraction. You simply resonate with your own gender and not with the opposite one. You know, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”–sometimes it’s easier to bond when someone’s from your own planet….it’ s not always a hatred thing, it’s often just an identity that is as real for us, as yours is for you. Not to say there aren’t some individuals out there who are VERY confused. Some of us are not confused.
Also, most lesbians i know have been with men and figured out it wasn’t their thing. Nothing mysterious about it. Our brains are hardwired to be attracted to what and whom we are attracted to.
And another misconception::: not all gay people identify solely as sexual creatures. I’ve always been so disgusted with the “mainstream gays” who present themselves as sexual deviants or promiscuous. Not all of us are like that. Maybe you haven’t met lesbians with character and integrity, and for that, I’m sorry and chagrined… Believe me, i am often ashamed of the gay community…at the same time, you have to understand that gay people are relegated to the fringes of society, and so often, the only time they can meet each other is at a bar–you might meet someone you are really attracted to and want to get to know, but because you’re not at a gay bar, you can’t pursue it. And when that’s your only way of meeting those like you, it leads to all that underbelly stuff like alcoholism and promiscuity. I have always been for other venues to meet gay people–like coffeeshops and Hen Parties at our homes. That’s why i placed the ad about the Hen Parties. I’m making a concerted effort to gather like-minded lesbians in my area, so we can avoid the bars, and stop perpetuating the stereotypes…Me and mine are interested in intelligent conversation and real emotional bonding, not when our next good drunk will be. Hope this sheds some light.
Vinny low said, “it almost seems like its a new trend for women to be into women(even if theyre straight)…im not knocking any 1s sexual orientation but im wondering why its so much more accepted these days than say men on men…like so many guys think that 2 women making out is hot..and im wondering am i strange as a man…in that i do not find there to be anything hot or alluring about 2 women making out what so ever? “
Remember that trends are started by the youngsters… immature people who are still not quite sure of their identities, nor at all self-actualized. Often, i have found, YOUNG bi-sexual women, are really just experimenting with their sexuality, or trying to appear cool or dangerous, or otherwise attractive through the very scandalous nature of their (mis)deeds. I cannot speak to older, mature women who identify as bi, as i have never identified as bi myself, and am not qualified to address that. Just know that there are a lot of confused people out there, mostly because they are young and still trying to figure it all out, and the ones who are older and confused, have simply not evolved to the point of understanding, for a myriad of reasons. This confusion is such a hot topic, that i wrote a book that is a manual of sorts for mostly younger lesbians…it’s called ISO (In Search Of): The Art of Dating, Relationships & Sex for the Discerning Lesbian. You can check that out at “my signature” dotcom.
…And Vinny, i wouldn’t call you a strange man for not being turned on by 2 women together–an uncommon man, to be sure, but not strange. The sexual identity of a TRUE lesbian is not about impressing or titillating men, it’s about acting on what feels most natural, and that’s a private thing, not to be shared with the public at large.