Since I sleep most of the day and stay up all night in order to be on my baby’s schedule so we can visit during the day via Facebook text messaging or Skype video, I have gotten into the habit of wearing a sleep mask to block out light- in an effort to trick my brain into thinking its night time. My circadian rhythm has never been able to dance anyway. In fact it can’t even tap its foot.
But I remember years ago seeing women on TV who slept in sleep masks and I thought I could never do that -it seemed so irritating to have something covering your eyes. But you get used to it. It does, however, come with its own set of issues.
For one, I don’t like sleeping in complete darkness as I tend to wake and get night terrors because I’m disoriented and don’t know where I am since I can’t see anything. Then I don’t know if I’m dreaming or not.
Secondly, If I’m going to have a blindfold on I’d rather it be while my darling is teasing and pleasing me. But perhaps that’s for another Â post
Still, I recognize the need to be awake during at least part of the day- during business hours so i can get certain things done. It’s a trade off. So I go to sleep at 3 or 4 or 10 am and get up at 2 or 4 or 6 pm. Depending.
The other morning (which was more accurately, afternoon) Â I was sleeping, and someone grabbed my wrist. And of course I couldn’t snap my eyes open and see who it was because I had a sleep mask on. I pivoted my hips and wrapped my legs around that arm –my heart pounding –and then I took off my sleep mask to see who it was. Â No one. It was just a dream. But I was aware during the event that I was in my little hotel room in my bed. So when I felt that hand on my wrist I really did think it was real. I also remembered wondering how someone got in through the dead-bolted door with a heavy metal safety latch.
I’ve frequently had trouble sleeping since my return to the states and it’s not about the time change from New Zealand to America. It’s because I had become quite accustomed to having my sweetheart lying next to me, holding my hand. (But not my wrist….unless of course…never mind…).
So I often go to bed with the honest intention of actually sleeping, but often have to get back up and jot notes or pace around or do other things because my brain just won’t shut down.
Lately I’ve used that still-can’t-sleep time to explore the new laptop I bought. It has Windows 8. I like the concept, and the touchscreen is handy and quick, especially since it has a small keyboard I’m trying to get used to.
But I’m used Windows 7. There’s a learning curve with 8 and I just can’t be bothered. I like to get on, know where things are and how to make them do what I want and then get off.
Sort of like sex. …and if I was having any of THAT I wouldn’t be diddling with my new laptop and jotting notes for blogs instead of sleeping. But can’t have sex because my significant other is 7 thousand miles away. So instead of noodling around on her, I’m noodling around on computer. Here. In my lonely bed.
I take a selfish comfort in the fact that she is suffering without my ministrations, as well. She told me so. And that’s good because it would suck if it was just Me missing her. I hope that at least some of you have the decency to feel sorry for me, even though I think I’ve got that covered all on my own…in this lonely bed. Alone.