Monthly Archives: February 2008

Caveats & Conclusions for February

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will add entries to this list as the rest of the month goes by. My ears are wax factories; i could make my own candles. Those itty bitty Band Aids in the box are useless, unless your ink pen has a boo boo, then they’ll patch that right up. i always get up several times after going to bed because i think of things i forgot to do. After i reach the destination of my pre-slumber task, i forget what i remembered i forgot. I would love to see a live dinosaur. unless it’s a Velociraptor. A surprising number of … Continue reading →

Mercy Kissing

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Recently i was presented with an ethical dilemma which i initially found troublesome due to its lack of a clear path of reaction for me as an ethical person. The situation, in a nutshell, was this: During a visit at my home from a female friend, she came out to me as a lesbian, and confessed her attraction to me, and i was at once surprised and confused. I hadn’t ever thought she saw me in a romantic way. That was not the dilemma. I felt like she put me on the spot, and i had little time to consider … Continue reading →

Immortality or Something Like It

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The concept of Eternal life (aside from the usual religious variety, and that of the usual vampire tale) is one fraught with profound implications. In the novel, Steel Beach, by one of my favorite authors, John Varley, these implications are explored in a unique way. After an Earth invasion, and the escape of survivors to the Moon, humankind again thrives, though they are now living on Luna, and their environment is provided inside high tech bubbles that maintain breathable air, and when they venture to the surface outside, they have to wear special space suits. What if modern technology could … Continue reading →

FUBAR

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In my past i was always fucked up.And I always had a girlfriend. Now that I’ve done the big work to become the kind of person I think every human should ultimately aspire to (based on my tireless studies of reputable sources, including the great philosophers), along with relentless self-examination and continual attention to the details of character and ethics and how they do and should operate in me, now that I’ve done all that….I can’t get a girlfriend to save my life. It suggests that if i was fucked up again, I’d have better luck. I always had a … Continue reading →

People Are Just M&M’s.

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Once again, the exception proves the rule. People are just M&M’s. They live in their delusion that they are different, but they are all the same except different colors of the same thing. Their taste remains constant, in spite of what the outside color may suggest. They might have a candy coating, but that’s just the lies they tell themselves and others; sometimes they are simply a NUT inside. They might think they’re different, but they’re not; they’re in the bag with all the other M&M’s, and so they lull themselves into a false sense of security because they are surrounded … Continue reading →

Hope Does Not Float

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Sometimes I catch myself crying. I’ll be listening to music, or playing Mahjong, or watching television, and a tear will make a cold streak down one cheek, and then i have to ask myself what caused it. A cheesy commercial? A dramatic scene in a movie? Allergies? Some irritation in my eye? Maybe the irritation is simply the act of seeing through my own eyes. What triggers these moments of melancholy? what veiled emotion slips out while i am paying attention to something else? My first thoughts always go to the inordinate amount of time i spend alone. Am i … Continue reading →

I Love My Shoes

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Yesterday, I wrote a blog about Biscuit, my cat who has S.A.D, O.C.D, and B.P.D. and EIEIO… My other cat, Shoes, found out, and was really pissed. I promised her I’d write a blog about her too, so here it goes. Shoes named herself. I saw her little white markings on her feet and thought of “Socks” and Boots” but those were too trite. Then she climbed halfway in one of my shoes and mewed at me and I went. “Oh…Shoes, is it?” So she named herself, and had a way of acting like I was pretty stupid not to … Continue reading →

Mental Biscuit

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After spending a good 16 hours in my basement office, my feet were stinging cold. When I climbed into bed to continue reading my John Varley novel, I kept being distracted by two things—my feet, of course, and my cat, Biscuit. I solved the feet problem by nuking one of those gel packs. My feet were then warming up under the covers, but Biscuit was still doing her best to let me know she knew it was bedtime, and that’s when she begins her rituals. First, it’s blocking my path and mewing, and slithering in and out of my ankles. … Continue reading →

Open Relationships Vs. Monogamy (4)

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Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4 Okay. I guess I’m being too hard core. Someone told me I’m being judgmental and imposing my opinions. I just know what i know and believe what i believe and feel passionately about it…it is not my intention to make anyone feel they can’t speak their mind or have a differing opinion and i hope that’s clear–if it’s not, know it NOW. I am interested in engaging in thoughtful discourse, growing, learning, supporting and learning to communicate with each other. And regarding this monogamy subject, i am still deciding where the lines are…like, is it … Continue reading →

Open Relationships Vs. Monogamy (3)

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Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4 Someone said, about this monogamy debate, “let me grow at my own rate, let me make my own mistakes, stop interferring with my journey!” Well, I wouldn’t pull them apart and scream “I forbid you to do this!” I am merely voicing my opinion–but not interfering with their right to use free will and make their own choices. I am not trying to be the Morality Police here, but that doesn’t mean i don’t feel there needs to be some policing–by someone….by all of us, really. I have always believed that what two consenting adults … Continue reading →

Open Relationships Vs. Monogamy (2)

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Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4 JH said, “I agree with [that] each couple [should be] free to define their respective relationship and its constraints. I have been in numerous types of relationships (all with women) in my 36 yrs on the planet. Some were with ladies that insisted that I not go out drinking without them, not slow dance with others, not grind on people even playfully and never kiss or romantically/flirtly speak on the phone. Now…at the time I agree to these terms because I was young and believed I was in love and was getting what I needed … Continue reading →

Open Relationships Vs. Monogamy (1)

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Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4 You are in a bar with friends, and you turn around, and your single friend is kissing–open-mouth, sexually, kissing– your friend who is in a relationship. They say it’s no big deal, because they both understood it didn’t mean anything. Further, the coupled friend announces that not only has she and her girlfriend discussed this type of thing, but that it’s perfectly okay, and she would in fact enjoy watching her girlfriend make love with someone else, and vice versa. How would you feel about this? First, If this happened behind the absent gf’s back–and … Continue reading →

Fuckedupedness

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[UPDATED 30Jun09–this blog post has been updated to include things left out, and new things since it was written, almost 2 years ago] I’ve become a little harsh. I’m on my last gay nerve about romance, i guess. So when i say to my friends, “Don’t be a dumbass” i mean that in the most loving way. LOL. Really, i think it all stems from this overwhelming file of evidence i have that 99% of all lesbians and lesbian-wanna- bees, and fence-jumpers are just one big screaming touchstone for FUCKEDUPEDNESS. I don’t recall feeling this strongly about it back-when. It … Continue reading →