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Category Archives: anxiety

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A Series of Things:
What I'm doing, not doing, and hoping to do

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on September 26, 2020 by Kelli Jae BaeliSeptember 26, 2020

Series writing has been a thorn in my side. I know the consensus is that books do better as a part of a series, but when you’re an Indie Author and Publisher with no employees, choices must be made. I don’t feel I can keep up anymore with my series, nor do I want to. I also don’t like feeling obligated to write something. I’d rather write what inspires me at any given moment. With this in mind, my intentions are to do one more book in each of my series: #3 in New Harbor Witches #4 in Rain Falls … Continue reading →

Posted in dystopian genre, depression, WRITING, coronavirus, elections, Xanax, COVID-19, fear, Writer's Block, Ban Mercy, angst, novelwriting, The Rona, disillusionment, reality, The Reichers, Kelli Jae Baeli, Fiction Writing, and The Rez, BOOKS, adventure genre, Zoloft, WRITING LIFE, democracy, anxiety, coping skills, independent author, Apocalyptic, sensitivity | Leave a reply

Furiously Happy:
My brain hungered for humor. Was absolutely famished for fun.

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on August 24, 2020 by Kelli Jae BaeliSeptember 11, 2020

I am very picky about the books I read, and it’s hard to find anything that doesn’t either piss me off or bore me. That might just be a product of having been an Indie Author, honing her craft for 30 years, or maybe it’s just me being too damn critical. But I never had problems in my younger years. Like say, my twenties and before. But then, I didn’t write my first book until I was 26. So maybe it really is that being an author affects my ability to enjoy reading other authors that aren’t top-notch. Garbage in, … Continue reading →

Posted in mental illness, reality, self-awareness, memoir genre, depression, novelist, CURRENT AFFAIRS, stress, BOOKS, coping skills, WRITING CRAFT, WRITING LIFE, Humor genre, distraction, anxiety, Book review, happiness, despair, Jenny Lawson, desperation, Depressive Realism, Furiously Happy, Social anxiety, sensitivity, Lets Pretend This Never Happened, writer, Social Psychology, reading, harsh realities, ENTERTAINMENT | Leave a reply

Two 2020 Mantras:
Adapt or die, Vote or die

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on May 18, 2020 by Kelli Jae BaeliMay 18, 2020

ADAPT OR DIE. That’s the new mantra. Our world has changed, and don’t you believe for a hot minute the fairy tale that things will go back to “normal.” First, they haven’t been “normal” for the last three-plus years. Second, there is no way they ever will, because too much has changed, and there are things that SHOULD CHANGE. This is a flashpoint. A pivotal point in our history. We can take the opportunity now to implement all those things that got bogged down in various sociopolitical quicksands, and create a brighter future for us all. Or we can fuck … Continue reading →

Posted in panic, chaos, adaptation, terrorism, coronavirus, risk, desperation, racism, honesty, frustration, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, change, Climate Change, harsh realities, SOCIOPOLITICAL, CURRENT AFFAIRS, responsibility, Planet Earth, death, aggravation, US Constitution, disillusionment, Native Americans, crisis, life, Founding Fathers, voting, 2nd Amendment, grief, problem-solving, democracy, anger, fascism, anxiety, Human Nature, courage, ethics, equality, despair, elections, immigration, morality, pandemic, strength, fear, education, sadness, donald trump, danger, angst, betrayal, money, COVID19 | Leave a reply

This-Close:
another bitch of a ditch

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on March 14, 2020 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 14, 2020

Change is good, they said. I believe that’s true, most days. Especially since I feel I’ve been in a bitch of a ditch for the last 7 years. Well, not the same ditch. Different ditches. But ditches, just the same. Trenches, maybe. Foxholes. Caves? Anyway, I was ready for those changes we were finally able to make. My wife was about to get a small inheritance. Just enough to get us where we needed to go, if we were lucky. But the inheritance was delayed by various machinations, a few of them due to some abject assholery perpetrated by other … Continue reading →

Posted in donald trump, disillusionment, donald trump, frustration, money, SOCIOPOLITICAL, harsh realities, HUMOR, crisis, stress, moving, life, luck, fear, anxiety, angst, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, chaos, CURRENT AFFAIRS, HEALTH, pandemic, change | 2 Replies

Thoughts Before the Knife

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on May 24, 2017 by Kelli Jae BaeliSeptember 11, 2020

I am terrified. I am courageous. I have braved so many things that terrified me. Things I thought I’d never survive. And here I am, “having survove.” I understand that my fear is born of the unknown, where the most potent fear often makes camp. While this is a brand new experience that has no equal, no comparison, I know more now about what is happening to me than I ever have before. And each time I learn more, I have one more tool in my tote to get this job done. I say frequently that You have to be … Continue reading →

Posted in meaning, fear, hope, harsh realities, gynecology, GYN, anxiety, strength, stress, courage, life, menopause, surgery, hysterectomy | Leave a reply

Pre-Op

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on May 15, 2017 by Kelli Jae BaeliSeptember 11, 2020

Had my pre-op appointment today. All good. BP was best it’s been in a while- 128/82, pulse 80-something, EKG, heart normal sinus rhythm, took chest xrays, answered a hundred health questions, got more instructions, signed the consent form. I do feel very fortunate to be with the folks at Washington Regional. The best part of all that was, yes, I can take Xanax up to and including the day of surgery. LOL. Whew. That should help immensely. I was very stressed all day, just going to appointment, and I assume there will be more and more stress as the day … Continue reading →

Posted in surgery, HEALTH, gynecology, GYN, anxiety, menopause, hysterectomy, stress | Leave a reply

Simple Procedures I Get to Sleep Through

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on April 11, 2017 by Kelli Jae BaeliAugust 5, 2017

Today, I had a dentist appointment, to get a tooth pulled and cavities filled. That’s what I get for avoiding dentists for–what? 15 years? I’ve been fortunate, since I have always enjoyed healthy teeth, but I should have gone to a few of those appointments along the way. I accept the mantel of shame in that regard. We had to go to Springfield, so we didn’t get home until evening. When I laid back in the awesome Chair-I-Wish-I-Had-at-Home, It soon became apparent that they were not sure why I was there. Seems the VA had not sent over the records of the checkup … Continue reading →

Posted in hysterectomy, Uncategorized, courage, surgery, fear, phobias, gynecology, GYN, TRAVEL, anxiety, coping skills, dental | 2 Replies

Operation Homostead & Dooflingywhatsit

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 24, 2017 by Kelli Jae BaeliAugust 5, 2017

While I’m battling The Change of Life, we are also dealing with A Change of Life. Major changes on the horizon, all of which we have chosen for ourselves, which of course, makes it easier to weather. Our decision to make homesteading our goal, had to begin with all the preliminaries. Where? When? How? We know we want to settle in central Wisconsin, mostly because Melissa is from that area, and around Chicago, and her family is all there. She needs to be close to her grandmother, who is well into her 90’s and has had some health scares. But Melissa has … Continue reading →

Posted in aggravation, moving, stress, Relocation, life, TRAVEL, problem-solving, anxiety, experience, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), growth, risk, change, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, hope, marriage, Kelli Jae Baeli, sacrifice, DOMESTICA, courage, frustration, harsh realities, menopause | 2 Replies

To my readers: Be brave, be strong

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 11, 2016 by Kelli Jae BaeliSeptember 25, 2017

  TO ALL YOU LOVELY READERS: There are formidable challenges ahead of us. This will be hard. So take some time to enjoy nature, to read, as you always do, if you need to get yourself grounded. But then do your part to make things better. If I’ve learned one thing by studying human nature and writing about it all these years, I’ve learned that the human spirit is also formidable. We’ll get through this. Be brave, even when you feel scared. Be strong, even as your hands shake. Smile and hug people. Show love and compassion and resiliency, even … Continue reading →

Posted in panic, frustration, elections, fear, disillusionment, sadness, hope, grief, anxiety, despair | Leave a reply

Charcoal Thursday Sale

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on December 1, 2013 by Kelli Jae BaeliDecember 1, 2013

I had stretched my budget to the limit at the end of this month, and wasn’t sure when my check would go in, but assumed I’d be spending Thanksgiving eating an avocado pocket sandwich, rather than something with turkey in it, to at least commemorate the holiday. But then, my check went in early, and I thought. “Hey, I should go buy some kind of turkey dinner now.” Well. It was a holiday, and I knew many things would be closed. I just hoped at least one of the grocery stores would be open. So I got in my van … Continue reading →

Posted in stress, Human Nature, chaos, harsh realities, Walmart, anxiety, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), Thanksgiving, HUMOR, aggravation | Tagged crowds | Leave a reply

Stupid, Honorable, High-Road Seeking Fool

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on February 22, 2012 by Kelli Jae BaeliJuly 31, 2013

In a post from a few years ago (two posts, actually, under Going to Denver Because You’re Dead) I chronicled this transition of moving to Colorado to start a new life; again reinventing myself, with the hope of somehow finding my new place in this ever-changing, ever-challenging world.  I got rid of three-quarters of everything i owned, packed a U-Haul trailer behind my Cherryot, and off I went. A journey that lasted 30 hours on many days of little sleep. By the time I arrived in Denver, i was exhausted, lost, and had this sensation of being on another planet. … Continue reading →

Posted in problem-solving, U-Haul, angst, purpose, exes, midlife crisis, chaos, WRITING, frustration, harsh realities, Human Nature, domestic violence, loneliness, Xanax, Aging, crisis, Driving, anxiety, desperation, Writer's Block, depression, moving, guilt, apartment, change, Social Psychology, aggravation, Colorado, women, despair, disillusionment, trust, stress, need, meaning, Lakewood, anger, life, fear, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, betrayal, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, RELATIONSHIPS, grief, phobias, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), sadness, EMOTIONS, conflict, luck, love, sensitivity, hope, PTSD, Relocation, friendship, panic, disability | Tagged anxiety attack, partners, loss | 2 Replies

Why not Me?

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on December 20, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliAugust 30, 2013

Pulitzer and Nobel Prize-winning author, Pearl S. Buck  said, “A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create~ so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off…They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency … Continue reading →

Posted in friendship, sadness, angst, harsh realities, frustration, chaos, self-awareness, depression, CREATIVITY, socializing, stress, loneliness, anxiety, life, desperation, despair, RELATIONSHIPS, PSYCHOLOGY, Depressive Realism, Driving, disillusionment, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, meaning, AUTHORS, fear, anger, sensitivity, romance, Social anxiety | Tagged PhD, introversion, Dr. Elaine Aron | Leave a reply

Letter to a Battered Heart

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 29, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Open letter to a friend whose heart is battered…. I remember that you were there for me when I was going through a lot and had no one. So I will do my best to be here for you, now. In this life, you have to separate your mental and emotional things, your habits, your beliefs–like laundry. Whites over there, colors over there, delicates there. You can’t throw them all in together or the colors will bleed and what was once pure and white is now sullied. Some things must be kept apart, some things put together, and you always … Continue reading →

Posted in stress, honesty, women, sensitivity, PSYCHOLOGY, Jonatha Brooke, life, girlfriends, happiness, SEXUALITY, lies, RELATIONSHIPS, harsh realities, meaning, Social Psychology, disillusionment, conflict, communication, fear, ENTERTAINMENT, self-respect, Behavior, self-awareness, romance, PHILOSOPHY, anger, exes, reason, love, reality, betrayal, experience, grief, friendship, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, Social anxiety, lesbians, socializing, growth, EMOTIONS, frustration, sadness, Human Nature, anxiety, angst, courage, depression, hope, truth, despair, loneliness, celibacy, dating, Kelli Jae Baeli, guilt, intimacy, desperation, music | Leave a reply

Positive Anchoring, Honesty & Humor

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 22, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 11, 2013

Sometimes we have to come up with clever solutions to problems. Three of my most cherished and successful coping skills have been Positive Anchoring, honesty and humor. One of the situations that is particularly challenging is being nervous in social situations. For an HSP, it’s doubly hard and it happens far more often. We often find ourselves overwhelmed by that date we have with someone we’re attracted to. We can spoil an entire evening with the handwringing and insecure self-talk going on in our heads. We can spill our drinks, say something insipid or insulting, or just panic, make up … Continue reading →

Posted in Social anxiety, Social Psychology, honesty, PHILOSOPHY, self-awareness, EMOTIONS, anxiety, coping skills, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), RELATIONSHIPS, quirks, sensitivity, PSYCHOLOGY, panic, DRUGS, Xanax | Tagged dry erase board, performing, performance anxiety, insecurity, Positive Anchoring | 2 Replies

Agnosco veteris vestigia flammae–I feel once more the scars of the old flame…

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on November 13, 2011 by Kelli Jae BaeliMarch 5, 2013

Most things for me, now, are in the context of being an HSP. My Sensory Processing Sensitivity is a brain architecture that will never change. It is part of me as much as DNA or eye color or ethnic origins. I know that one of my main weaknesses in this life, is that I don’t do well as a single person, and by extension, I don’t do well sexless. Those needs get in the way of my common sense in evaluating the character of some women. So I have been so bold as to place ads on adult sites, seeking … Continue reading →

Posted in Depressive Realism, angst, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, depression, loneliness, HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP), dating, desperation, intimacy, stress, PSYCHOLOGY, SEXUALITY, life, self-awareness, Social Psychology, sex, Colorado, CHALLENGES & MISHAPS, RELATIONSHIPS, socializing, lesbians, triggers, romance, midlife crisis, love, anxiety, friendship | Leave a reply

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Quotes from Kelli Jae Baeli

"It's no longer about Trump. It's about the GOP. It's one thing to be mentally ill and a sociopath, it's another to just be fucking power-hungry, greedy, and selfish. I LOATHE them all."

Politics Quotes

"People feel removed from sexism. 'I'm not a sexist, but I'm not a feminist.' They think there's this fuzzy middle ground. There's no fuzzy middle ground. You either believe that women are people or you don't. It's that simple." (Joss Whedon)

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