Category Archives: identity

Bloody Hands

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Every novelist should sit down at the keyboard with blood on their hands. To know what it feels like to have been wronged and to have wronged. To be guilty and innocent. A novelist must have truly lived her life–sucked the marrow, tended the wounds, lashed out in fear and anger, in order to write a story that speaks authentically at deeper levels; that explores human nature and the human condition in all its beauty and ugliness. A novelist must have experienced life–that visceral knowledge that comes only from having felt the range of emotions, discovered the myriad permutations of … Continue reading →

Tell Me About Yourself

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

When I’m single, and meeting new women, dating and searching for that special someone who will fit harmoniously into my life, I often come across women who say “Tell me about yourself.” I hate that question. Not because i can’t talk about myself, or am not self-actualized enough to be able to communicate my identity, but because it’s like standing in a library and someone asking, “What’s in all those books?” I usually have the urge to refer them to my books, or blogs, or music or art. Then they say, “I don’t want to look at your art, or … Continue reading →

Whining Pariah

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Colorado…….I’m sure there are kindreds out there (I do have a fabulous best friend, 2 hrs away, but i mean OTHERS). I am so anxious to meet all the people in the social groups I’ve joined online already. The degree to which I want this move is palpable; I can think of little else, and my level of stress reflects my fear that it might be delayed, or–unimaginably–not possible at all. Here, where I am, I always feel like a stranger in a strange land. I feel like the pariah. (Don’t forget, this is the Bible-Belt). I feel like most … Continue reading →

Catching Hell From the Hellish

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Even within my own “supposed” community, the community assigned to me by virtue of my sexual preference, I catch hell in the online dating realm, whenever I complain about the content of insipid emails from the dull and ignorant on personals sites. Misspelled words, fragmented sentences, fake modesty, transparent bravado, shallow beliefs, misplaced haughtiness, gender confusion, the walking wounded…. Sometimes I can’t believe it. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to believe it, because it’s true. It happens to me repeatedly, like some recurring rash… I continue to get those kinds of mails. I even started a special forum called … Continue reading →

Artistic Angst

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Certain situations and combination of events and feelings coincide and then all existential hell breaks loose in me. I’ve gotten off on a track of thinking that has led me to this point of stress, angst, emotional upheaval. Partly, the stress stems from this Guitar Bar idea becoming more about me, and less about the venue. More pointedly, the stress of defining myself. Identity markers. Strip away those and we fall apart, evaporate, cease to exist or are merely taking up space. How do we stay balanced in our understanding of success? Is success represented by money? by acknowledgment of … Continue reading →