Category Archives: Social anxiety

Furiously Happy:
My brain hungered for humor. Was absolutely famished for fun.

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

I am very picky about the books I read, and it’s hard to find anything that doesn’t either piss me off or bore me. That might just be a product of having been an Indie Author, honing her craft for 30 years, or maybe it’s just me being too damn critical. But I never had problems in my younger years. Like say, my twenties and before. But then, I didn’t write my first book until I was 26. So maybe it really is that being an author affects my ability to enjoy reading other authors that aren’t top-notch. Garbage in, … Continue reading →

No Such Thing As a Protest Vote:
In which I dare to question a non-voting professor

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of being a snowflake. It’s well and truly time for Democrats to stop whining and being precious, and Board the Blue Choo Choo. We have many changes to make, and by now, we should all agree that those changes will never be made with a corrupted party in charge. My skin may not be black, but I know what it’s like to be a minority, and to be punished for it. I’m an Indie author. A disabled veteran. I’m not just a woman, but a gay woman, married to a woman. I’m … Continue reading →

Giving it Away: Spoilers as Both Noun & Accusation

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Directly out of the chute, let me say this is coming from myself as both a writer and a reader. One compelling reason (among others) that I became an author, was due to my disappointment in the offerings of a certain genre. I wanted to write books *I* would want to read. I launched myself into this vocation with little knowledge of what that decision would bring. I had no way of knowing the degree of vulnerability that publishing my writing would entail. Publishing a book is very much like being naked in public. So it’s difficult not to take … Continue reading →

Why not Me?

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Pulitzer and Nobel Prize-winning author, Pearl S. Buck  said, “A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create~ so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off…They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency … Continue reading →

Letter to a Battered Heart

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Open letter to a friend whose heart is battered…. I remember that you were there for me when I was going through a lot and had no one. So I will do my best to be here for you, now. In this life, you have to separate your mental and emotional things, your habits, your beliefs–like laundry. Whites over there, colors over there, delicates there. You can’t throw them all in together or the colors will bleed and what was once pure and white is now sullied. Some things must be kept apart, some things put together, and you always … Continue reading →

Positive Anchoring, Honesty & Humor

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Sometimes we have to come up with clever solutions to problems. Three of my most cherished and successful coping skills have been Positive Anchoring, honesty and humor. One of the situations that is particularly challenging is being nervous in social situations. For an HSP, it’s doubly hard and it happens far more often. We often find ourselves overwhelmed by that date we have with someone we’re attracted to. We can spoil an entire evening with the handwringing and insecure self-talk going on in our heads. We can spill our drinks, say something insipid or insulting, or just panic, make up … Continue reading →

Hanging the Moon and Lesbian Monikers

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

I placed another personal ad on Craigslist. Hopefully this won’t turn into a freak-fest like it did last time. And if it does, well, more material for my writing. LOL. The Ad I used before was way more humorous, but I was afraid it might be overwhelming and make ME look a little crazy. Who knows? Here’s the one I used before: Only seek LOCAL friends & dates. Please & thank you. LDR’s are usually doomed from the start. It’s like being pecked to death by chickens. So not big on them unless you can afford to travel to date … Continue reading →

Id, Ego, Super-Ego & the Social Security Number

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

I slept fitfully all night. A pervasive anxiety crept through me until I began to fidget with restless legs. A couple of times I woke up feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Like I was underwater and there was no surface in either direction. I didn’t know if I was up or down….I only knew I was going to drown. (Song Lyric alert).Lest anyone think me too self-possessed, I will admit that what tossed me and turned me was not the plotting problems of my newest novel, but plain old insecurity. I went to sleep thinking about the phone conversation I … Continue reading →

Making Tracks

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

So my first First Fridays at Tracks. I went, faithfully following my GPS, and watching the little pulsing blue dot that was me on the map, as I veered repeatedly from the route I was supposed to take. I’ve discovered that if I just drive straight shots through town, I do better. The Highway is confusing and I end up taking the wrong lane and having to circle back and start over. Later I ran into Tina and her friend and spent a little time with them. Everyone wanted to steal my electronic cigarette. I must get some stock to … Continue reading →

Whining Pariah

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Colorado…….I’m sure there are kindreds out there (I do have a fabulous best friend, 2 hrs away, but i mean OTHERS). I am so anxious to meet all the people in the social groups I’ve joined online already. The degree to which I want this move is palpable; I can think of little else, and my level of stress reflects my fear that it might be delayed, or–unimaginably–not possible at all. Here, where I am, I always feel like a stranger in a strange land. I feel like the pariah. (Don’t forget, this is the Bible-Belt). I feel like most … Continue reading →

Brain Dump: Mortality & Meaning

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Okay, I know this is going to be less a blog, and more a journal entry, but whatever. Consider it the first in a series of brain dumps. <<–Look, i even made a graphic for it…. Onward…. I usually try to see the bright side of things, and when I can’t do that, I try to see the funny side. Anyone who reads this blog knows that. And often the dark side can be funny, if you know how to manipulate the data. But this morning, I think my brain is in some other gear….PARK, maybe. It hits me like … Continue reading →

Catching Hell From the Hellish

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

Even within my own “supposed” community, the community assigned to me by virtue of my sexual preference, I catch hell in the online dating realm, whenever I complain about the content of insipid emails from the dull and ignorant on personals sites. Misspelled words, fragmented sentences, fake modesty, transparent bravado, shallow beliefs, misplaced haughtiness, gender confusion, the walking wounded…. Sometimes I can’t believe it. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to believe it, because it’s true. It happens to me repeatedly, like some recurring rash… I continue to get those kinds of mails. I even started a special forum called … Continue reading →

Mental Biscuit

Kelli Jae Baeli Posted on by

After spending a good 16 hours in my basement office, my feet were stinging cold. When I climbed into bed to continue reading my John Varley novel, I kept being distracted by two things—my feet, of course, and my cat, Biscuit. I solved the feet problem by nuking one of those gel packs. My feet were then warming up under the covers, but Biscuit was still doing her best to let me know she knew it was bedtime, and that’s when she begins her rituals. First, it’s blocking my path and mewing, and slithering in and out of my ankles. … Continue reading →