Category Archives: exes

Stupid, Honorable, High-Road Seeking Fool

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In a post from a few years ago (two posts, actually, under Going to Denver Because You’re Dead) I chronicled this transition of moving to Colorado to start a new life; again reinventing myself, with the hope of somehow finding my new place in this ever-changing, ever-challenging world.  I got rid of three-quarters of everything i owned, packed a U-Haul trailer behind my Cherryot, and off I went. A journey that lasted 30 hours on many days of little sleep. By the time I arrived in Denver, i was exhausted, lost, and had this sensation of being on another planet. … Continue reading →

To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before…

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I had this nightmare once, where i walked into a party (like i was walking onto a yacht, my hat strategically dipped below one eye…never mind), and at that party was every woman i had ever slept with (and yes, it was a very large gathering, thank you very much). They all turned in unison upon my arrival, with a varied collection of expressions and responses, and at that moment, i felt as if i would swallow my own teeth. It’s not as if i had a horrible track record, or made any real enemies of these women, but the … Continue reading →

Letter to a Battered Heart

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Open letter to a friend whose heart is battered…. I remember that you were there for me when I was going through a lot and had no one. So I will do my best to be here for you, now. In this life, you have to separate your mental and emotional things, your habits, your beliefs–like laundry. Whites over there, colors over there, delicates there. You can’t throw them all in together or the colors will bleed and what was once pure and white is now sullied. Some things must be kept apart, some things put together, and you always … Continue reading →

Vamoosing

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Suspended my Netflix account. Still packing, desperately needing boxes. Downstairs, I pulled up everything in that storage room, which was the contents brought so far from storage when I actually thought I was going to be living here permanently, and her mother had finally moved, so I could do that. But only after we had ripped up the carpet down there and cleaned the unbelievable nastiness her mother lived in. bleach fumes, up and down stairs, aching body. I realized I would have to leave some things behind because it wouldn’t fit in my car or in storage, and I … Continue reading →

Turn Turn, Turn: the Phantom Ex

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  Okay, again, my heart is pounding, and again, I am off balance, trying to sooth my trembling hands… I’m not one to go around asking for advice. I’m usually only giving it, but I just might need some insight from my Facebook friends. I just found a message on my phone from…..GUESS WHO? The Ex. The one who wrote that inscription to me, and the the one that I suppose is at the root of all this crap with Becky Haynes. It’s surprisingly nerve-wracking to hear the voice of a person you were in love with over a decade … Continue reading →

Turn, Turn, Turn

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{reposted from Facebook} I just had a really unsettling experience. I’m trying right now to just calm my thumping heart, and take a breath. One thing that is no secret about me, is that I don’t have many secrets. I am pretty open. I have to be, because I am a creative person who produces creative material. But I don’t pretend that I’m so special that i don’t have a day to day life with day to day struggles and victories that i wish to share with those in my life. Nor do I pretend that human nature is always … Continue reading →

On the Heels of…

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  I had a marathon conversation last night with an ex from 10 years ago; and reconnected with her (Terra), via something she came across in my blog. The last half of the conversation created a feeling of great discomfort for me–both then, and this morning. My dreams were filled with people from the past, and anxiety tinted the start of my day. I was aware that in this phone conversation, I had slipped back into old habits and patterns of response and emotion. Our conversation was triggering me like a pack of firecrackers. She is, at the moment, inextricably … Continue reading →

Brain Dump: Mortality & Meaning

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Okay, I know this is going to be less a blog, and more a journal entry, but whatever. Consider it the first in a series of brain dumps. <<–Look, i even made a graphic for it…. Onward…. I usually try to see the bright side of things, and when I can’t do that, I try to see the funny side. Anyone who reads this blog knows that. And often the dark side can be funny, if you know how to manipulate the data. But this morning, I think my brain is in some other gear….PARK, maybe. It hits me like … Continue reading →

To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before…

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I had this nightmare once, where i walked into a social gathering, and every woman i had ever slept with was there. They all turned in unison upon my arrival, with a varied collection of expressions and responses, and at that moment, i felt as if i would swallow my own teeth. It’s not as if i had a horrible track record, or made any real enemies of these women, but the concept was overwhelming in that i had urgent questions that needed answering: 1. Was this a joke? 2. If it was a joke, was i expected to laugh? … Continue reading →

Sullied Pajamas-the thlot plickens (3 0f 5)

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Last night i received a mysterious email. hello…. you might want to ask SP about her suicide attempt in Jan., it is public record as the sheriff was involved. an unstable woman who will emotionally attach to you and never let you go…… just a heads up from one who knows. Awfully hard to let that one go. I wrote back: . Oh my God. That never came up in our conversations. Can I ask who you are and how you know? Have we met? I would appreciate talking with you about this, if you will allow me. ———————————————– She … Continue reading →

How to Freak Out Your Ex’s New Love Interest

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…Just say any one or all of these….. “So…she finally found someone who would take an ice cube bath and then remain completely motionless during sex?” “I thought your feet would be bigger. They were when i fantasized about you with the control top panties, the spatula and that plate of mayonnaise.”. “Do your titties itch when you get around cheese?” “So, what’s this about a weird noise you make during orgasm?” “I’m sorry, you’ll have to forgive my behavior. I was out in the parking lot earlier eating dirt.”

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Monster on a Half-Shell

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(from an email to an Ex) …..whew, okay. let me see if I can tackle this one…. My intent in contacting you was simple: I knew we would eventually cross paths and I didn’t want to dredge up the past. I am in a space where I want my life to move forward. I have learned a lot about myself, and about the dark rooms I wandered in for so many years. I cannot begin to tell you how many lights have been switched on. I didn’t like what I saw. As long as it was shrouded in darkness, I … Continue reading →