The Pusher

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Certain people…why do they vex me so much? My most vexing personality type is the PUSHER. They suck the juice out of my brain and it is just so tired…. Recently, I had an unusually taxing experience with the Pusher…I had to keep reiterating that my response in a situation was about BRAIN FATIGUE…BRAIN FATIGUE…BRAIN FATIGUE…BRAIN FATIGUE…BRAIN FATIGUE! I wanted to get some some facts straight: I am not her My brain is not her brain My particular needs for balance and harmony are not hers. I was not angry that she spilled tea on my desk–I recognized that was … Continue reading →

Mississippi: First Circle of Hell?

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Mississippi just might be the first Circle of Hell. The heat and humidity here is oppressive, to say the least. I can always get a derisive laugh out of locals when i say, “When’s it going to snow?” I admit, i had some preconceived notions about moving to a coastal area. Most of those notions were probably based on movies I’ve seen like Sleepless in Seattle. Important distinction here: that’s the Pacific Northwest, this is the Southern Gulf. I’ve noticed that when people talk about living “bi-coastal,”they are obviously leaving out the THIRD coast. The U.S. is really tri-coastal. The … Continue reading →

Vaudeville Mantis, Finals & A Severed Finger

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I DREAMED there was this Praying Mantis who was the size of one of those anti-theft steering wheel “clubs.” This Mantis could sing and dance like a seasoned vaudevillian…. I came around a corner in this building and saw him and was flabbergasted. He was singing “My Way.” All I could think about was getting to my camera so I could return and capture this once-in-a-lifetime event… When i returned, camera in hand, the Vaudeville Mantis had gone; witnesses pointed around the corner, and I found him there, smaller, not singing and not dancing…a regular mantis…i was so mad. No … Continue reading →

Mississippi Bites

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Four days ago, i was bitten by something. I assume it was some sort of spider…but thankfully, not the kind that sends you to the E.R. with nausea and anaphylactic shock, and not the kind that rots a big hole in your skin like something out of a bad horror movie. But toxic enough to be painful, cause swelling and prevent the use of my right hand for four days. The bubble that formed had the consistency of a water balloon. Then the bubble began to spread out the next day until my whole hand was swollen. It felt like … Continue reading →

Chess For Sex

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Chess for sex is so much better than strip-poker. It’s a blending of the intellectual with emotion, competition with the carnal. Even though i lost, i really won, because chess-partner took mercy on me and let me have the consolation prize: which was the same as the winning prize. And it was great. I found myself driving to her house with an excitement and glee I had not expereinced in some time. And I also find myself taking online chess lessons, now, because i don’t know if the mercies will be extended next time i lose.

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Monster Under the Bed

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When I was a child, I experienced a common phobia regarding the “creature under the bed”…when getting into bed at night, I’d turn out the light and run across the room, jumping onto the bed, careful not to get my vulnerable, little-girl feet next to the opening beneath it. This was so nothing could grab me. Now that i am an adult, my phobias are much more mature. Now, when i go to the bathroom at night, i always turn the light on so i don’t sit on the toilet in the dark and not see the awful creature that … Continue reading →

Door Christians

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Well here’s my latest little adventure…I’m one of those people who has to have a certain amount of control over my environment to be happy. When that gets disrupted, it fucks with my Chi, as I like to say. As a songwriter, I often spend long hours working on tracking my music in my home studio. I was in the middle of recording a new song and had already started over twice, and really had it going good this time when…. …there was a knock at the door. My dog, Giz, went to barking, (‘Cause it fucks with his Chi, … Continue reading →

Jenfu

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The Internet can be such a treasure chest. Amid my brief excursions into dictionaries and reference materials for my writings, i stumble on little gems that make me feel so fortunate. Not a Fountain of Youth, but maybe a fountain of comfort, entertainment, moments of peace or camaraderie. One of those pearls is an online journal by a young woman with the moniker, JENFU. I read her entries, and i feel inspired, hopeful, understood–jealous; i feel i want to know what she looks like, to put a face to the writing, i want to be her best friend. I eat … Continue reading →

Breath of Life

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I am fascinated by the unknowable. Some people spend their whole lives saying “I Don’t Know” to those esoteric questions that arise. Me, I like to explore the issue and come to some sort of conclusion. It’s that propensity I have to bring order to the chaos. That’s another reason why all my bathroom accouterments are neatly stored in transparent shoe bags on the wall…. One monstrous “unknowable” is the question of when our souls enter our bodies. When does a life become something more than a tumor on life support, and instead a human complete with its own soul? … Continue reading →

Dreams, Nicole Kidman, & The Path Not Taken

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I actually remembered a dream his morning, First time in, what? A year? Two? A long time. Anyway, I dreamed that LS and I were in Eureka Springs, and she was at the corner of my desk, using my phone, and that corner of space, like she tends to do. . . and she was trying to get hold of Nicole Kidman, who was in town. It was like an assignment-as if she was working for a local paper or something. She wanted to interview her. She had the number to her hotel room. I said, “You can’t just call … Continue reading →

One Thing After Another

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The bird, the partner, the dog, the Fed Ex lady, coffee… Status quo. My cockatiel, Bingo, lives in a huge “condo” cage with every toy and snack and luxury a bird could want. But she begins to shriek as soon as daylight hits the windows, her nocturnal sleeping clock disengaged by sunshine. My usual groggy reprimands, like, “Bingo, hush” and “Bingo, shut up!” and “Goddamn it, Bingo!” don’t help. But you know, i just always hope i won’t have to get up. She wants out of her cage so she can perch on my shoulder, leave lots of poopie on … Continue reading →

Stood Up Like a Chump

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I spent two days preening myself. I plucked, and shaved and used cleansers, emollients, lotions, oils, facial masks, lotions for puffy eyes. I wore a $300 suit, and was so excited about the evening. It was to be a double date with my best friend and her new girlfriend. Then i got stood up. Humiliation. Sadness. New Year’s eve and i felt like a big fat chump. So the last thing i wanted the next day was to tag along with my best friend and her girlfriend. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there. I climbed … Continue reading →

Krispy Kreme Persuasion

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So there was this whole big box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts on the counter. And she said she didn’t really care for custard filled doughnuts, and that’s what was left. That box was taking up lots of counter space, just to house that one custard filled doughnut. And it’s not like I’m not on my way to Wal-Mart to buy Metamucil and Slimfast. I have to do that because I have to fit my fat ass into some nice clothes for our relocation information trip to Eureka Springs in a couple weeks. And I can’t show up hoping to apply … Continue reading →

LP Wallpaper

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When compact discs became the norm for music media in 1983, I was excited by it, the possibilities of them lasting longer, being easier to store and sounding better….but remember being so disappointed that the days of those large albums were coming to a close……once in an apartment in Oklahoma, i attached all my vinyl record collection to the wall with Funtac, corners touching, so there was this kind of checkerboard effect of the album covers…and when i wanted to listen to any music, i’d walk over to the wall and pull the disc out and put it on the … Continue reading →

Mind-Numbing Meaningless Morning

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I sense that I am slipping into that space between the wall and the airbed. Instinctually, I shift to the middle of the twin space. I look at the clock, because I have to look at it. I need to know what time it is. I need to get my bearings, do the math, calculate how long I’ve been asleep. Let’s see… one-thirty seven. . . I went to sleep. . . when? I recall looking at the clock when I went to sleep, trying to memorize the numbers, so that I could do these calculations when I wake up. … Continue reading →